The Boys of Summer
by MoreThanTonight
Summary: A camera. A jacket pin. A phone. Lemon balm leaves. A bottle cap. A box of condoms. A bottle of sleeping pills. On the last days of summer before college, Sebastian remembers the most eventful summer of his life and the items related to it. Kurtbastian.
1. The Bottle Top

**Chapter one: The Bottle Top**

_A camera. A jacket pin. A phone. Lemon balm leaves. A bottle cap. A box of condoms. A bottle of sleeping pills. _

_Not necessarily in that order. _

In Sebastian's life, this would be known as The Summer of '12. Or perhaps The Summer of Kurt Hummel and Sebastian Smythe. Maybe something along the lines of The Summer where Water met Fire.

The Summer where Water met Fire. Kurt was like water; he was adjustable. He could reach any surface. He could seep in between the tiniest cracks and sneak his way forward. He could be persistent enough to crash against the most stubborn rock again and again, until he eroded it away, leaving a path for him to get through. He was ever changing like water, he had many forms – some of his forms existed without the knowledge of the others. He could be cold as ice and yet as free and fleeting as water vapour. His eyes were like the sea – ever changing as well. Sometimes in the sun they were a glorious shade of blue, a lovely azure that reminded Sebastian of the coasts of France. Other times they were a confusing shade of sea green, like a spray of sea foam in the distance. But the scariest was when Kurt's eyes turned as gray as the storms in the clouds above. If you looked closer, you could almost see the swirling of thunderclouds in the two orbs. A strike of lightening in the glare he would send back. The warm azure was Sebastian's favourite.

Sebastian on the other hand, was like fire. Like fire he was strong and determined. Arrogant at the least, confident of his own superiority – his ability to force others to the ground before him to get what he wanted. Fire spreads fast when you allow it to, feeding on oxygen and almost any material it finds. It burns, it chars and it leaves a mark that is almost impossible to erase. It's relentless and cunning and won't hesitate in tricking you, even setting fire to its closest friends. But it also gives warmth where used wisely. It is essential for the way of living most of us has chosen. It is present in the flicker of the candle, it preceded the modern stove, and it is there in the mesmerising dance of flame in the late night bonfire in the woods. It was a weapon when yielded correctly. Sebastian was just like that. To a selected few whom stood him close, he provided warmth, protection and safety, while those who stood in his way he would burn to the ground. He left a scorching mark, whether it was a bitter comment or a playful jibe. Like fire, he was unforgettable. With an ever-present smirk on his face, he could look at you in the eyes and you knew – you just knew – that the fire within those two spheres was unconquerable. Unless you were water.

Because whenever fire meets water, water always wins.

That was how Sebastian found himself on his bed, sitting on the very edge so that he had to cling on to the bedspread to not fall off. There were seven items on the table in front of him. Papers, books, CDs – all previous residents of the mahogany tabletop – were strewn on the floor in a careless chaos. Seven items were allowed on the dark, polished surface.

_A camera. A jacket pin. A phone. Lemon balm leaves. A bottle cap. A box of condoms. A bottle of sleeping pills. _

Seven items that he had managed to find that reminded him of the summer. The window was open and a cool breeze crept in, reminding him that the summer was coming to an end. The two days left were insignificant for him, for his summer was already over. The water had already washed away the fire. But he was preceding himself. Maybe it was best to start with the beginning.

With a sigh, he got off the bed and walked the three steps needed to get to the table. His hands were firmly placed on each side of the table. His warm palms were a contrast to the cool, smooth surface. He looked down at the items that he had carefully placed in a straight line. A camera, a jacket pin, a phone, a few lemon balm leaves on a stem, a bottle cap, a box of condoms and a bottle of sleeping pills. Objects that didn't have much value unless you knew the story behind them. He would start at the beginning.

Sebastian picked up the bottle cap. It was made of some cheap metal, probably aluminium, and was the kind that was ragged in the edges. The brand on top of the bottle had almost faded, but there were two dents on the metal that were unmistakable. Teeth marks. The soft metal had given away for a set of teeth, becoming a mould for the two teeth that had left its mark on it.

He held the cap in between his forefinger and his thumb and flipped it up in the air. If the branded side came up, he would refresh his memory on what happened that night. If the blank side came up, he would put it back in his drawer and forget about the night where it all started.

The sound of metal landing on hard wood was almost deafening that night where the air was as cool as summer rain and the darkness present around his house. His face void of emotions, Sebastian looked down at the cap. A faded name stared back at him. _Corona_.

It was the first day of summer vacation, but still the bar wasn't crowded. Sebastian had already searched the place for new faces, but there were few whom interested him. There was a hot, blond guy, but he looked married. By the looks of it, he was married to a woman but he came here to have casual fun. Sebastian would have gone for it, but he wasn't in the mood for the reassuring words that no doubt will come from the other. _I'm not really gay. This is just an experiment. See, I even have a wife._ Too much trouble, he decided.

This summer was going to be all about causality. It was the last summer he had to spend here in Lima, and when the summer was over he would take off to New York for college. New York would be overcrowded with gay guys and he wouldn't have to come back to this pathetic excuse of a bar ever again. Well, apart from during those vacations where he came back to visit his parents.

How many beers had he drunk already that night? Two? Three? Four? He wasn't counting and maybe it was for the best.

His eyes zeroed down on a man who was sitting by the bar. He was wearing a black button-up shirt and a pair of casual jeans, and if Sebastian didn't know any better he would have thought that the boy didn't want to be seen.

"Adam", Sebastian grinned, taking the seat next to the man. It was only barely he managed to aim enough to not fall to the ground. Maybe it was a little more than two beers.  
"You are back from college?"

The man looked up from his drink. He would recognise that nasal, falsely cheery voice anywhere.

"Smythe. Are you old enough to even know what college is?"

At this, Sebastian laughed – the sound came out hollow and meaningless. He leaned forward to whisper in Adam's ear.

"I was old enough when you fucked me in your backseat this Christmas", he said hotly against Adam's ear, his voice barely louder than a whisper as his teeth grazed teasingly along his earlobe before Sebastian pulled away with a smirk tugging on the corner of his lips.

"I was drunk"

"So was I. What's your point", Sebastian laughed, rolling his eyes.

Whatever Adam's reply was, Sebastian didn't hear it. His eyes were fixed on the new entry; a boy only slightly shorter than him wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a hot pink sweater. A forest green scarf that matched the boy's green sunglasses was wrapped around his slender neck. The instantly recognisable stagger in his step alerted Sebastian that the boy was already tipsy even before he entered the bar.

Without offering Adam so much as a smile or a goodbye, he went over to greet the newcomer. Sebastian's smile was gloating as he took in the other's slightly dishevelled appearance.

"You are not looking good, Hummel", he drawled, and Kurt could hear the smirk in his voice as he peered at the taller boy from his darkened glasses.

"Shut up, Smythe. I'm not in the mood to deal with you", he snarled, before walking on. Kurt headed towards the bar, and to Sebastian's surprise he ordered himself a beer. He would have pegged him for a girly cocktail-person.

The bartended turned away to serve a new customer without opening Kurt's glass bottle, and the boy just looked down at the bottle with a bitter look.

"What has gotten your panties in a bunch, Hummel?", Sebastian asked. He was a little more intrigued that he should be. He knew that these were dangerous waters, but it was the first day of summer – he was allowed to test them. Besides, it was another chance he got to torment Hummel before he was whisked away by the gay bars in New York. Who knew how many chances he would have left?

"If you are going to insult me, please at least be creative. I've heard that one three times already today", Kurt replied in a cold voice as he continued to stare at his unopened bottle.

Sebastian considered making a biting remark and he would have if his brain weren't so alcohol-adled. So instead he scoffed and grabbed Kurt's bottle from him.

"You don't even know how to open a fucking beer", he remarked, lifting the bottle to his lips before using his teeth to open it. He handed the beer to Kurt who took it silently. If Kurt was impressed by the trick, he didn't show it. Sebastian tried to get a look of his eyes, but Kurt was still wearing those glasses.

"Who the fuck wears sunglasses inside anyway?", Sebastian pressed, his voice taking on a menacing tone. "It's fine that you are making a fashion statement or whatever, but this is just getting ridiculous". Sebastian took hold of Kurt's glasses and pulled them off his head, only to reveal that Kurt's eyes were red and puffy as though he had been crying all day.

He expected Kurt to shriek and jump up and down while useless swatting him with his effeminate fingers, but the Kurt he met was different. He seemed like a shadow of himself, an imprint, not the real Kurt that Sebastian had become accustomed to meeting.

"Give them back", Kurt's stare was unyielding, but his words were resigned. A beautiful contradiction, Sebastian found himself thinking.

"You were crying", Sebastian pointed out the obvious, freezing for a few seconds giving Kurt enough time to snatch the glasses back. However he didn't put them back on. He slid them in the pockets of his sweater instead.

"It's none of your business"

"Why?"

The silence between them felt like a physical barrier even though some top 40-song was playing on the speakers.

Sebastian stared at him and Kurt stared back. None of them knew how long they were there like that. Little by little the animosity in Kurt's eyes was replaced with something that reminded of defeat and he lifted the beer bottle to his lips, drinking heartily from it. He pulled the invisible trigger and now Sebastian was waiting for the bang.

"Blaine broke up with me", Kurt finally said, and he was surprised at how calm he sounded. Kurt's eyes were laced with something else, something that dulled the electricity that usually resided there, and Sebastian wondered just how much the boy had been drinking before he came.

When Sebastian didn't say anything Kurt continued.

"So there. You can have him now that he is single and free. Isn't that what you always wanted?"

Sebastian wanted to scream. There was something so utterly wrong about this situation. Kurt wasn't supposed to be drinking there with him, telling him about his break-up as though he didn't care at all, even though the red rim around his eyes was evidence of the opposite. He was supposed to be snarky, to retaliate everything Sebastian threw at him. He wanted to tell Kurt that what he wanted was for him to be normal and not this zombie version of himself.

Instead, he smirked and ordered another beer. The beer top was still on.

"Didn't you get the memo? Blaine doesn't interest me anymore", he said nonchalantly.

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind.

"Aren't you going to open that bottle?", Kurt asked instead.

Sebastian looked down at the closed top and shrugged.

"Do you want to give it a try?"

Kurt took the bottle and gave it a scrutinising stare, but Sebastian laughed. He looked absolutely ridiculous in that pink sweater while holding a beer bottle in his hand.

The piercing look Kurt have him was enough to shut him up.

"It isn't rocket science, Prissy. You put it in your mouth, put the edge of the cork between your teeth and tilt open the bottle", he said, amusement clear in his voice.

Kurt opened his mouth tentatively and bit the bottle cap. With a grimace, he tried to twist open it, but it didn't budge. With a frustrated huff, Kurt slammed the bottle on the bar counter.

"Do it yourself"

There was still a drop of saliva visible from Kurt's attempt and Sebastian couldn't stop staring at it as his own lips met the bottle. In a matter of two seconds, the bottle was out and Sebastian spit out the bottle top, but there was a sweet taste on his tongue that didn't come from the beer. He had Kurt's spit in his mouth without even kissing him.

Shaking the wayward thought away Sebastian tilted his head back to down the beer and Kurt followed suit. Even though Kurt's bottle had less in it, Sebastian was more used to drinking. His eyes met Kurt's and they both agreed upon the silent challenge. Who could drink up first? Sebastian's smirked was still visible from the corner of his mouth and Kurt looked like he was about to murder him. Kurt's eyes were prickling from the intensity of the stare and the taste of beer sliding down his throat. Sebastian looked at said throat. A small sweat bead was rolling down Kurt's neck as his Adams apple bobbed slightly with every swallow and it was the most mesmerizing thing Sebastian had seen in a long time.

But Sebastian was relentless and before long, he slammed the bottle on the counter top again.

"I won"

"I want a rematch", Kurt said quickly.

"Fine, up I'm upping the ante", Sebastian smirked arrogantly, glowing in his victory no matter how insignificant it was.

He ordered two shots, and little did he know it then, but that marked the beginning of what would be The Summer of '12. Or the summer where Water met Fire.

The next day, Sebastian would remember how those two shots became two more. And then two more. That at some point, Sebastian's arm would be draped around Kurt and Kurt either didn't mind or was too drunk to care. He would remember how they bought a few beers from the bartender and went out to drink it, mutually agreeing that the music inside was horrible. They split the four beers equally and Sebastian showed him how to do the trick with the bottle cork. Kurt failed the first time, though the only thing Sebastian could think was that the way Kurt's lips were closed around the neck of the bottle was almost _pornographic._ When Sebastian had to open it for him, he could swear he tasted Kurt's saliva this time as well.

On his last beer, Kurt managed to pry the top away from the bottle and showed the bottle top to Sebastian, pride evident in his face although they didn't talk that much. The alcohol slurred their words and it seemed easier to just try to interpret what the other was saying without excessive words. Sebastian pocketed the bottle top with the two teeth marks on them.

He would remember how a little beer spilt down Kurt's lips and he leaned forward to wipe it away, but instead his lips met a pair of warm lips. He couldn't remember why this was so wrong. He couldn't remember why he shouldn't be doing this with Kurt, a boy he despised with passion.

Hate was a strong word, wasn't it? It certainly felt that way as Sebastian's hand snaked around the back of Kurt's neck, pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss he didn't know who initiated. Kurt obliged, slipping his tongue into Sebastian's waiting mouth as their tongues fell into a slow melody, the push and pull of a familiar rhythm.

"Make me forget", Kurt's voice echoed in the dark and it felt like a shot ricocheting against their surroundings.

Sebastian was fast to comply and crashed their lips together against, and this time his hands wandered around Kurt's waist as he tugged the pink sweater up, revealing Kurt's pale stomach. Kurt shuddered when the cool air hit his uncovered skin and Sebastian broke the kiss to glance down. He could swear that Kurt's pale skin looked like ivory in the moonlight.

The next day he would remember how they realised that they were out in the open and scurried to Kurt's car as Sebastian didn't bring his. He was planning on either crashing at someone's place or taking a cab home. They agreed that Sebastian's house would be the safest place as his parents were not at home and Kurt didn't want to explain this to Burt. Thinking about Kurt's father made Sebastian laugh and Kurt giggled with him.

"Let me drive", Sebastian insisted, leaning on the car as his feet weren't quite steady.

"Never. I'm not letting you drive my baby", Kurt giggled and got in.

They drive back to Sebastian's house felt like an eternity and Sebastian switched between staring out the window and caressing the inside of Kurt's thigh sensually until the boy snapped at him for being too distracting. Naturally, this only put a victorious smirk on Sebastian's face.

When they finally pulled over at Sebastian's house, Kurt didn't notice how grandiosely big the house was or that the cars in the garage were worth more than what most people would earn in a lifetime.

This time Kurt was the one to pull Sebastian closer to him, attacking his neck with butterfly kisses. Sebastian laughed and pulled him inside, mumbling something about surveillance cameras.

Kurt didn't notice the books on the shelf of Sebastian's room, or the CDs in the rack. He didn't notice the shades of white and dark browns that themed the room, and neither did he notice the casual disarray of things that were strewn everywhere on his mahogany table, the floor – everywhere.

The next thing Kurt registered was Sebastian pushing him, making him topple on the soft bed bet with his limbs out of control. The fall resulted in a fit of giggles that seemed to echo into the silent night. Sebastian landed on top of Kurt and fought the effect of the alcohol to straddle the shorter boy. A hand went to the wall and Kurt tilted his head to see what Sebastian was doing, only to be met with the faint glow from a lamp on the wall by the bed. He was on Sebastian's bed, _The Sebastian Smythe_ who infuriated him to no end and whom tried to pry Blaine away from him. The thought of Blaine didn't hurt anymore. If anything, it sent a numbing feeling through his body. He had already shed his tears and pain had been replaced with numbness. Now he wanted to forget. Was it too much to ask for? To ask for a night where he could feel as though he was living again? He deserved this. And Sebastian was the tool he used to achieve this.

"This goes off", Sebastian announced with a lopsided smile as he tugged on Kurt's green scarf. The knot was tighter than he thought it was and even though he tried to pull the scarf off, it didn't budge. "I swear to god, Hummel, your scarves are like.. glued to your body". Somehow this was funny to him and he laughed again.

Kurt just rolled his eyes and took it off without difficulty, revealing more of his slender neck. "You are..", Sebastian started, but he was cut off by Kurt who pressed his lips against Sebastian's.

"Can we not talk?", he sighed and bit Sebastian's bottom lip. Sebastian nodded silently and understood what Kurt meant. They were not friends. They were barely acquaintances. This was something they both were doing for the physical pleasure and not because they enjoyed each other's company. Sebastian wondered if the company really was so bad if they had managed to have a good time outside of that bar, but these were forbidden thoughts. They implied that he cared, and the next day when he woke up these thoughts would be gone. He would even deny remembering them.

It was the night for lust and the impatience that surrendered them, previously only circling them cautiously, kicked in like a jibe to the side. Suddenly there were hands everywhere as Sebastian threw off his shirt and Kurt's pink sweater came off. The next thing Sebastian registered was being completely naked where he knelt beside Kurt's body. He was staring at it as though it came from a different planet. Why hadn't he thought about that theory before, that Kurt was an alien? It must be true; alcohol was indeed an eye-opener. Kurt's body was pale and lean. As far as eye could see, there were only long muscles – but they were there. Kurt's pale skin was a contrast to the black boxers he was wearing and Sebastian hooked a finger underneath the elastic waistband, signalising that they had to go off.

For the first time that night, Kurt seemed hesitant, but he didn't say anything. He lifted his ass up and slid the boxers down, kicking them off the bed. It was good enough for Sebastian. He didn't want a soul-searching conversation about ethic and morals. He wanted to fuck.

Sebastian's tongue darted over his lips as he saw Kurt's cock, half hard and waiting to be touched. He didn't know what he had expected, though admittedly, he had never thought about Kurt's cock before. But he certainly hadn't expected it to be so long and flushed. Sebastian didn't often bottom, but he couldn't help think what it would be like to be underneath Kurt. However, tonight he wanted to take Kurt and brand him.

His hand flew to the bedside table where he found a bottle of lube and coated his fingers with it. Despite Kurt's order to keep his mouth shut, he looked at Kurt with a firm stare and said, "I'm not bottoming". Kurt simply nodded in reply and spread his legs.

Sebastian looked at the little puckered hole that was slightly red and pushed his forefinger in to the first knuckle. Kurt was so tight that he could practically be a virgin. Groaning at the thought, Sebastian pushed the finger all the way in, causing Kurt to squirm a little. But Kurt still didn't say anything.

Before long, the first finger was accompanied by a second and Sebastian scissored his fingers to stretch the boy. This time Kurt's back arched and he hissed at the contact. Sebastian only smirked at him and added a third finger. Even though Kurt was tight, he took Sebastian's fingers so good and Sebastian couldn't help but stare as his fingers slid in and out of him. The dark silence was swapped with the wet, slick sound of lube and Kurt's heavy breathing.

Sebastian's own erection had made itself present by now as it slid against the inside of Kurt's thigh, begging for attention. He took out his fingers and dragged his wet fingers around the rim of his now stretched hole, forcing Kurt to glare at him. Chuckling softly, he bit the edge of a condom wrapper and tore it open. He wrapped the tight latex around his straining cock that was throbbing for friction and coated it with the clear liquid before looking at Kurt.

Kurt's cheeks were flushed in a subtle way, casting a rosy shadow on his face. His head was tilted upwards and his eyes half-shut. He was biting his bottom lip as his chest rode and sank for every shallow breath. Sebastian wanted to find his camera and take a picture of him just to preserve this moment, for he doubted that he would find something as beautiful as that ever again.

However, the desperate need to get off overcame the love for beauty. "I'm going to fuck you now", he informed in a low, hoarse voice that made Kurt's cock twitch. But it only earned him another glare from the boy as Kurt turned around and got on his knees with his ass facing Sebastian. "Do it like this", Kurt demanded in a raspy voice, looking at the wall in front of him.

Sebastian was all too willing to comply. He placed his on Kurt's hips and he wasn't surprised that even the skin there was baby soft. His erection dragged against Kurt's hole teasingly before he slowly pushed into Kurt and watched as Kurt's lower back arch and his fists balled around his sheets. Sebastian buried himself to the hilt and emitted a guttural moan, Kurt's rules be damned. Apparently Kurt thought the same thing himself as Sebastian registered a small, needy whimper come from the boy.

Sebastian tightened his grip around Kurt's hips and thrust into him as hard as he could to see if Kurt could make any more sounds. The thrust hit Kurt's prostate spot on and he keened, screaming out into the night. Sebastian countered that with a smirk and continued to thrust faster and faster, his own breath hitching as he felt Kurt's tight heat around him. He wanted to pound into the boy to make him to continue making those sounds, but he was afraid that the night would end too young if he went any faster.

However, Kurt had other plans. He stuffed a fist into his own mouth to keep him from screaming out as Sebastian thrust into him. Sebastian rolled his head backwards and continued to move in and out of Kurt's tight heat. If something was off then, he didn't notice it before the next day.

Sebastian felt the familiar heat coiling in the pit of his stomach that signalised that his orgasm was near. He didn't want to wait and he had no reason to prolong this anymore than he needed to. He wrapped his fingers around Kurt's cock and jerked him off at the speed of his thrusts as he felt his orgasm coming closer by the second. "Fuck, Kurt..", he moaned out, frantically jerking the other off as Kurt's came. Kurt's orgasm was nothing as Sebastian had predicted. It seemed as though he boy used all his energy to keep quiet as he came silently, his lips twisted in an 'o'. Sebastian felt Kurt clench around him and he came with a loud groan.

They stayed like that for a few seconds, five or six maybe. Maybe even twenty. No one was counting. But at some point, Sebastian pulled out and let go of Kurt's hips, letting the other boy collapse on top of his bed. He rolled the condom off and tied it securely before he threw it in the direction of the trashcan. His eyes followed the latex as it hit the wall first and then drop into the black bin.

When Sebastian looked back, Kurt was already under his covers, stiff as a stick. He just assumed that the other boy had fallen asleep and joined him under the covers. He would deal with the consequences of his actions the next day. Now he just wanted to sleep. They both fell asleep with a respectable amount of space between them.

Sebastian slumped down on his bed, looking at the pieces on his table. The bottle top was in his fist, so there were only six objects left. The night where it all begun. He wished he could say that night was the end of it all, but it wasn't and that was what the other six objects were a symbol of. Well, he had thought about the beginning but is the beginning really the most important tale? Isn't the things in between just as important, if not more?

To Sebastian the start was just that.. a start. The following days, the rest of the summer – that was what will come to define the state he was in right then. Not the drunken sex, but the realisations the next day.

Sebastian awoke by himself, his head felt like it was floating somewhere between New Zealand and Swaziland. He raised his hand to shield for the strong sunlight as he tried to find his phone. It was nowhere to be found on his nightstand so he tried to find his pants. When he saw his pants on the floor, he remembered what happened the previous night. _Kurt._ He turned towards the spot Kurt fell asleep last night only to find it empty. He froze completely, to listen to any sounds that might come from house, but he was met with a wall of silence. Kurt had bailed. His clothes were gone and so was the boy.

Not that Sebastian cared. He scoffed it off and brushed away his bangs from his eyes. Why would he? Kurt was just another one-night stand that didn't mean anything to him. He was already fading from his life, the way countless others had done before him.

Only when he was in the shower did he realise how strange the entire thing was. How detached Kurt had been the last night. How it seemed as though he didn't even care about the break-up even though it was evident that he had been crying about it. How he didn't even bother fighting with Sebastian. _Make me forget. _The words echoed in Sebastian's mind over and over again, and he wanted to punch the wall. He had been a plaything for Kurt, and while this usually wouldn't have fazed him, it made something within him feel on fire. Like the burning, scorching kind. Kurt had used him as rebound to get over Blaine. While Sebastian used boys all the time, he wasn't aware that it would feel this way to be used. Raw, aching, humiliating.

He thought about the way Kurt had told him to shut up and the position he had chosen that made it easier for them to not look at one another. How even in the moment of pleasure, something about Kurt felt off. Somewhere deep inside, Sebastian missed the old Kurt. Or at least a Kurt that wasn't the one he saw yesterday. But Sebastian just brushed it off. Odds were that he wouldn't have to think about Kurt Hummel ever again. The summer will be filled with random flirts and in a few months he would be in New York where Kurt Hummel would just be a shadow of his past. One of them at least.

Sebastian went back to his room, clothed in only a towel around his waist, and searched his clothes for his phone. Alongside with his phone, he found a white bottle top with two teeth marks. Instead of throwing it away as he should have, he hid it in the third drawer on his desk. He sat down on the edge of his bed and toppled backwards. His back hit something cold and hard, and he rolled over to inspect the object. It looked like a pair of small wings with a pin on the back. It wasn't his, so it had to come from Kurt. _A jacket pin. _


	2. The Jacket Pin

**AN: Thank you so much for the lovely response I am getting for this fic. I think I'll update once a week, maybe twice because school is crazy I have to graduate. I am overwhelmed by the amount of love this fic is getting and I hope I don't disappoint. Because I hate to disappoint. Also, this chapter is almost just sex. The next chapter will have more dialogue and out boys will actually get to know each other better. **

Chapter two: The Jacket Pin.

Sebastian went back to the table with the six items. The bottle cap was still in his hand, caged between his long fingers. Slowly he put the cap back where it belonged, alongside with the other objects. Now there were seven. His forefinger dragged along the cool, black surface of the camera and ghosted over the power button before he retreated his hand. His fingers itched to take hold of it and turn in on to scroll through the pictures, fill his heart with the memories. But the time wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to go that far yet. His forefinger slid against the smooth surface of the table and worked its way towards the right to the next item; the jacket pin.

He picked it up and held it towards the lamp. The light reflected against the shiny, blank metal and cast a tiny speck of light on the wall. Sebastian turned the pin slightly to the left and the light beam followed. It was easy entertainment for children, but it never stopped fascinating even the oldest souls. He ran his finger over the pin's ridged edges, not sharp enough to pierce the skin, but sharp enough to leave a temporary mark if he pressed his fingers over the ridges. The pin portrayed two tiny wings that were attached to each other. It was quite simple, but symbolic. He could still hear Kurt's voice in his mind. "_It symbolises that I will fly away one day, Sebastian. I will be free."__ Just the thought of it sent a warm, fuzzy feeling through Sebastian's body. _

_Sighing, he held the pin up even closer towards the light. It looked like the light was flying from the angel wings, making the tiny object seem even more majestic. It was almost weird, how this little pin made his summer magical. How this one pin changed everything._

A few days after the encounter at Scandals, Sebastian hadn't heard from Kurt and he assumed that it was something to be forgotten. It happened, Kurt took off and it would be just one of those things in life that you don't talk about. Even if they met, Sebastian decided to just pretend to be unawaring, as though nothing happened. He guessed that the pale skinned boy had found his way back into Blaine's heart. They had probably patched things up and Kurt wouldn't have to _forget_ anymore. Not that he cared. Why would he? The sex was fine and that was everything he wanted that night. He ignored the way his mind sent tiny jolts down his body, telling him that something was wrong. There was something off about the entire thing. But Sebastian pushed in out of sight, out of mind.

His parents were in Ibiza for their twenty-something anniversary and Sebastian had the house to himself for two entire weeks. He had the opportunity to throw a party, invite some friends over or just crash in the sofa to watch reruns of Law and Order. He chose the latter.

He was just flicking though the channels of the television set in the living room when his phone buzzed. He assumed it was one of the Warblers or the kids from the Lacrosse team who wanted to hang out before they went their separate places once the summer was over. Somehow the thought of going away filled Sebastian with happiness and not dread unlike the way it did for most. He was one of the few who didn't cry or even hang with his head under graduation and the party afterwards. No, he used the opportunity to have a great time with his friends instead.

Sebastian liked to categorise life in chapters. There was a beginning and an ending for everything, a set start and finish. His childhood years were a distant chapter, the first years of puberty were a mortifying and embarrassing chapter, his years in France was an entertaining chapter that he liked to relive. And just like that, his senior year in Dalton was a chapter that he closed the moment he stepped out of the school for the last time. There was no looking back now, no point of wishing that he was back. Everything had a beginning and an ending.

His phone buzzed again as a reminder of the text he forgot to read. Sebastian swore that his iPhone had a mind on its own as it buzzed in an annoyed manner when he ignored his texts.

Unsuspectingly, he read the name of the sender. Then he read it again. And again. _Kurt Hummel._ Kurt Hummel was supposed to be a closed chapter, not a recurring character.

His fingers drummed against the back of his phone as he contemplated whether to read the text right away or leave it for later. Curiosity came in the way and he slid his finger over the lock to open the text. A thousand questions ran through his mind. _Why the hell is Kurt texting me? What does he want?_ But most importantly; _Where the fuck did the creep get my number?_

**Kurt Hummel: You have something that belongs to me. **

At first Sebastian didn't understand what Kurt was talking about. Then it hit him. The object that he safely placed in his third drawer where it could stay out of sight and hopefully out of mind. Kurt's jacket pin.

Sebastian Smythe: Do you intend to sound like a psychopath with a chainsaw or is that just coincidence?

For some reason he didn't want to admit that he still had the pin. It amazed him that Kurt remembered that he might have it, but he was beyond the point where Kurt surprised him. The reply ticked in faster than he had anticipated and he looked down immediately, his heart beating faster and the thought of correspondence between him and the boy who so casually used him and tried to throw him away.

Kurt Hummel: I'm coming over to get it.

Sebastian realised that his heart was beating faster than normal. This was not how it was supposed to go. Every cell in his body was protesting, telling him to send Kurt a reply saying that he wasn't home or that he didn't want to see him. But that would be a downright lie. A part of Sebastian, admittedly a small and very sadistic part, wanted Kurt to come. He wanted to see the boy one more time. It was almost laughable, but no matter how hard he tried to deny it to himself, he wasn't able to stop thinking about him,

It wasn't because Kurt was beautiful or because of the sounds he made when they were having sex. It wasn't because of the fun they had before they kissed or even their way of going to war with their words. No, it had to do with the sole fact that Kurt had tried to use Sebastian as rebound. And Sebastian had let him.

But now Kurt was coming back.

He could use whatever excuse he wanted, but Sebastian knew what he was coming for. He had done the same thing too many times to be fooled by it. Kurt wanted sex. And this was Sebastian's opportunity to do things his way instead of letting the other control him.

When Kurt ringed the doorbell an hour later, Sebastian was ready for him. He opened the door and casually leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

"You actually bothered to come all this way because of a pin" Sebastian pretended to act innocent, as though he didn't know what Kurt was here for. He didn't bother with hellos or false politeness. He and Kurt were not friends and odds were that they would never be.

"It means a lot to me" Kurt replied in a conflicted voice and invited himself in, his eyes darting over the place. The struggle in his eyes was clear for everyone to see. He didn't want to be here, but at the same time here he was; in his enemy's lair. He was begging for the courage to take the pin and walk away, but both Kurt and Sebastian knew the ending. Kurt would not just walk away.

It was there in the air, hanging between them like a thread of inevitability. They were both intertwined in it, whether they liked it or not. It was there in the air that surrendered them and it brought them closer physically. Before either of them noticed, Sebastian was right behind Kurt, grabbing the boy's arm.

Kurt looked back in shock, evidently surprised by the physical display.

Sebastian just smirked in reply and leaned forward to capture Kurt's lips with his own. This kiss was far different from the last. The last time it had the silver lining of fascination, of curiosity and sheer dumbness. This time it was something entirely different. On their lips, they could taste the residue of lust and the previous fascination, but there was something deeper this time. It seemed to come from the pits of Sebastian's stomach. For him it was anger. The frustration of being used so casually by no other than gay faced Kurt Hummel, a boy he wasn't even sure was manly enough to have a dick before just a few days ago. The kiss was demanding as he slid his hand behind Kurt's neck, forcing him closer. His other arm went around Kurt's waist, pressing their hips together in a brutal fashion. Kurt struggled against it, but Sebastian wouldn't let him go.

Sebastian broke the kiss to look into Kurt's eyes, showing him the confusion the anger he felt before he bit the bottom of Kurt's lips and dipped in for another possessive kiss. At this point Kurt had stopped struggling. He went limp, letting Sebastian take control of his mouth. The taller boy slipped his tongue in, and something within Kurt awoke. He wasn't going to let this go without a fight. Instead the harmonious dance of tongues they witnessed the last time, this was a struggle for dominance. Sebastian used his height advantage to press Kurt down as he moaned from the back of his throat, as Kurt fought valiantly back. His tongue mapped Sebastian's mouth, re-familiarising himself with every millimetre. They staggered back against a wall, with Sebastian pushing Kurt into the hard, cold surface. He grazed his tongue over Kurt's teeth as Kurt struggled to coax Sebastian's tongue back into his mouth. With a devilish grin, Sebastian fought against it before he gave in, letting Kurt have control for a few seconds, letting the other boy push back so that they were a half metre away from the wall before Sebastian demanded control again. Again, Kurt heard the dull sound of a body crashing against the wall as Sebastian pushed their hips together. The erection in Sebastian's pants was painfully obvious, but as he pressed it against Kurt's thigh, he felt the outline of Kurt's hard-on against his own. A guttural moan ripped through his body and Sebastian rubbed his hard cock against Kurt's over and over again. Each time a new wave of pleasure coursed through his body, searing his nerve ends.

When they pulled away this time, they were both out of breath. Kurt felt light headed. This was too much, too fast. He didn't even know whether this was what he wanted. But if he didn't know, why did he come? He was counting on regretting his decision somewhere during the drive between his house and Sebastian's. Despite his valiant tries, there was something tugging him closer to his house – or mansion, to be accurate. Like a fire in his body he couldn't quench. A dull, throbbing pain in his chest he wanted to push away. He wanted to forget, and Sebastian could help him.

If it wasn't for Sebastian's firm grip on him, Kurt would have lost his balance. His head was swimming, and the lines of right and wrong were blurred by the aching in his pants. His cock was painfully hard and couldn't wait to get out of its denim cage. If he got any harder now, he would have an imprint of his zipper along the shaft of his erection.

Luckily for them both, it seemed as though Sebastian was struggling with the same thing.

"Your bedroom, now", Kurt gasped as Sebastian's tongue darted out to lick the pale skin on his neck, right along his collarbone.

This made Sebastian look up and he all but dragged the boy towards his bed. Kurt could notice the difference in Sebastian now. He was rougher, his lust was more pronounced but there was an edgier side to it that scared Kurt a little. But oh, it excited him as well. The thought of Sebastian's piercing hard gaze on him sent pleasant tingles down his spine and went straight to his poor cock that couldn't bear any more pressure.

He wanted relief, he needed it more than he needed air that second. Kurt had dressed for easy access and left the layers at home, so the button-up shirt he was wearing came off easily. His undershirt had ridden up, exposing the porcelain skin on the right side of his hip while an impressive bulge was clear on the front of his pants. Sebastian's eyes locked at the bulge and he licked his lips in anticipation, feeling his own need grow unbearably.

A part of Sebastian's mind told him that he should stop for a second and think about what he was doing, but lust clouded over his rational thinking. Besides, this was about revenge, wasn't it? Of course it was, he was going to fuck Kurt so hard that he wouldn't remember anything else other that the name of the person fucking him into oblivion. Sebastian wanted to wreck Kurt's tiny frame so that Kurt couldn't pretend like the last time. This time Sebastian was going to make sure Kurt looked at him while he fucked him into the mattress.

Desire burning like a flame in his veins, coursing through his body, pumping straight from his heart, Sebastian pulled off his t-shirt. Unlike Kurt, he wasn't wearing anything under. Kurt stood there in his jeans and undershirt while he stared at Sebastian's bare chest.

Their eyes met and Sebastian smirked as he slowly unbuttoned his jeans. He knew that Kurt could see what he was doing and he wanted to make Kurt seem weak for hesitating in getting undressed. His hands slid along the waistband of his jeans as he took his time in pulling it down. Sebastian's erection seemed to be glad to be out of the tight jeans as it swelled in happiness in his boxers, earning a relieved groan from Sebastian.

Finally, Kurt seemed to catch up. Sebastian would never understand how Kurt managed to be elegant even when desperately tugging his undershirt over his head, but the moment Sebastian laid eyes on Kurt's chest, every criticising thought flew out the window. This was the first time Sebastian was seeing Kurt remotely naked in a sober state and he wondered what made him drink that other night in the first place. Kurt was like a work of art and beer goggles didn't do him any justice at all.

However Sebastian wasn't in the lead of their unspoken competition any more as Kurt pulled down those impossibly tight pants he was wearing. Sebastian wondered how it was possible for Kurt to _fit_ in those jeans that worked as a second skin.

The bulge in Kurt's pants seemed only more prominent now that Kurt was only in his boxers and Sebastian stared hungrily at it. When he looked up at Kurt, he noticed that the boy's cheeks were flaming red and embarrassment was visible in his features.

Sebastian could only smirk at that. To his surprise, he found Kurt's embarrassment endearing and even a little.. cute.

Kurt turned his back against him with a huff and Sebastian realised his mistake. He was swift on his feet to reach to him, standing right behind him, his bare chest touching Kurt's back. It felt weirdly intimate, but he pushed it away. He wanted to get laid and Kurt being affronted wasn't going to help with that.

"Hey" he murmured softly, brushing his lips against Kurt's warm, pale shoulder. Kurt's attention perked at that as he jumped almost unnoticeably. He hadn't expected Sebastian to be so subtle about it. Kurt would have expected Sebastian to use the opportunity to taunt him and tease him for being insecure of his own body, but Sebastian placed an arm around Kurt instead.

The last chapter Kurt was in, Kurt wasn't someone of interest and he was therefore easily brushed away. Now Sebastian actually had to put in an effort to be on the boy's good side if he were to go through with his plan.

Kurt turned around in Sebastian's arms and looked up. Sebastian didn't hesitate in pressing a kiss to distract him from his insecurities. He picked up where they left the last time, the kiss escalating in both passion and desperation. Kurt's fingers curled around Sebastian's head and he tugged on the brown hair there, coaxing a moan from him. Sebastian's hands went to squeeze Kurt's ass, and Kurt froze for two seconds before he forced himself to relax again. He hooked his fingers around the elastic of Sebastian's boxers and pulled them down. Sebastian played along and kicked his boxers away before he did the same to Kurt. Their bodies were pressed together and the only sound available was the heightened beating of their hearts and the soft sound of kisses being exchanged.

The kisses they shared varied in intensity, but before long they were both moaning desperately as they pressed themselves against each other as hard as they could, hoping that it would relieve the tension they felt in their groins.

Sebastian had a better plan and got on the bed. Kurt followed straight after and just like the last time, he posed himself on his hands and knees with his ass up in the air for Sebastian to see. Sebastian repressed a low whimper at the sight of Kurt's perfectly perky ass waiting for him to ravish it.

But he had an agenda.

"No" he said in a demanding voice, shaking his head firmly. He placed a hand on Kurt's hip and turned him around, meeting Kurt's confused eyes. "As much as I love the regular doggie-style, I'm not going to let you pretend this time".

Kurt's expression went from confused to frustrated as he let out an annoyed cry. "Who says I'm pretending?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes.  
"_Make me forget_" he repeated in a falsely high-pitched voice, mimicking the other boy's voice.

Kurt's jaw tightened and he looked away.  
"I'm not pretending" he said in a strained voice, followed by an indignant huff.

"Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. I'm not taking any chances. You are going to take what I give you and you are going to take it good" Sebastian's voice dropped to a low register as he almost growled the words out. He pushed Kurt on his bed and spread his legs so that he could sit between them.

Fishing out the bottle of clear lube, he coated his fingers with it and instead of stalling, he pushed one finger in forcefully.

Kurt's lower back left the bed as he arched upwards, hissing at the intrusion. Sebastian didn't prevail. Instead he pushed in another finger, though he was gentler this time. Almost methodically, out of habit, he crooked his fingers upwards as he fucked Kurt with two fingers. Kurt's breathing hitched for every time Sebastian hit his prostate and small whimpers slipped from his lips. He raised a hand to his mouth to stifle the sounds, but Sebastian used his free hand to swat it away. "Don't even think about it," he warned, raising his eyebrow towards him.

As a punishment, he pushed another finger inside and deliberately ignored Kurt's prostate. It earned him a frustrated groan from Kurt who at this point clenched his fingers around the sheets, pulling them up from where they were tucked under the mattress. "Fuck you, Sebastian," he drawled. Kurt's head rolled back and he tried to angle his hips so that Sebastian's fingers would hit the spot that made him feel so good inside. But apparently Sebastian had other plans as he retrieved his fingers and was already rolling on a condom over his own neglected cock. "No, Hummel. Fuck _you_," Sebastian chuckled dryly under his breath.

He could feel the aggravation between them, like a ball of electricity pulsating between them, giving off sparks when they came too close. Kurt was boiling over in anticipation and irritation while Sebastian was finally happy that he had the upper hand. But he hadn't gotten over the fact that Kurt manipulated him and the desire to punish Kurt for it was ever-present.

Kurt's mind was in haywire. He was confused and Sebastian was only making it worse. It was hard to think when his breathing was heavy and _need_ was the most pressing thought in his mind. He wanted Sebastian to fill him up and fuck him until it was the only thought on his mind, but he also wanted to confront the other boy. He didn't understand why his touches were soft as velvet one moment and hard and violent the other. The soft touches were nice, but they reminded him a lot of Blaine. The roughness that Sebastian displayed was so much easier and even him couldn't deny the jolts of pleasure that went straight to his cock. Maybe it would be easier to just go with it. Don't ask any questions. Just take whatever Sebastian gave him.

He knew that he wasn't treating Sebastian properly, but he knew that the other boy could take it. Wasn't it Sebastian who used people on a regular basis for his own pleasure? Kurt was merely doing the same.

So he didn't even protest when Sebastian pressed the tip of his erection onto Kurt's stretched-out hole. Instead Kurt pretended to not know the boy who was fucking him. He detached himself from the memory of the rude, obnoxious, self-centered boy he knew and concentrated on the nice things instead, like Sebastian's lean muscles that made Kurt want to lean forward and lick them. He wanted to run the tip of his tongue over Sebastian's biceps and the way they bulged as Sebastian held Kurt's waist firmly made Kurt' throat go dry.

He focused on the sinews on Sebastian's neck as he craned his neck to get a better vision of Kurt. Kurt licked his lips slowly and held back a moan. Sebastian was so fucking sexy and so _manly. _He never thought he would be attracted to the power and muskiness that Sebastian offered, but evidently he was a sucker for it.

Sebastian was unaware of Kurt's musings and rolled his hips in a fluid motion, thrusting swiftly into Kurt. He went slowly, but he didn't stop until he was all the way in, filling Kurt to the brim. Kurt gasped and rolled his head back. He thought he was about to burst. "_Fuck, Sebastian!"_ he keened, his voice low and husky. Sebastian was shocked by how incredibly turned on Kurt sounded; unlike the detached boy he met the last time. This Kurt was so much more responsive.

Almost experimenting, he went all the way back so that he was almost out of Kurt until he slammed back, more forcefully this time, hitting Kurt's prostate. This time Kurt's hips bucked up as his lower back rose from the bed. "Fuck," Sebastian heard Kurt's voice again, this time shakier than the last. Sebastian didn't think Kurt could swear, but apparently he did.

Something broke within Sebastian and he lost all reservations. He wanted this and he wanted it badly. He knew that there was no going back now. Once he had started, he wouldn't want to let go before he was coming hard inside of Kurt. And he wanted to feel Kurt clench around him as he came on his stomach, messy but so sexily. He slammed into Kurt again and again, before he stopped completely. Kurt let out a frustrated growl. "What are you doing, Smythe?" he demanded. Sebastian didn't eply him. Instead, he took hold of Kurt's right leg and placed it over his shoulder. Surprisingly Kurt was flexible enough to do that without effort and Sebastian slammed into him again, getting better access this time.

It was one of Sebastian's favourite positions when he topped. He could go much deeper and hit his partner's prostate without even trying. He knew that he wouldn't buried in Kurt to a point where it would almost hurt, but he wanted that. He wanted to fuck Kurt so hard that the other boy would remember it – remember him – for days.

However Kurt couldn't seem to care. He had never been fucked so hard in his entire life and threw his head back, moaning softly as Sebastian pounded in him. It felt too much, but at the same time it was too little. He wanted more and the need to come was becoming more overwhelming by the second. It was as though Sebastian could read his mind as the thrusts came harder and faster. "God.. D-Don't stop.. Fuck.. Don't you dare s-stop," Kurt growled and Sebastian didn't dare stop. Kurt felt a familiar tightening sensation in his groin and before he knew it, his vision went blank and he came in hot ropes, spilling all over his own stomach and Sebastian's chest.

The sight of Kurt coming on himself was the little extra Sebastian needed and with a few more thrusts, he was came into the condom, feeling the rubber fill up. He slumped on top of Kurt with a long, guttural groan.

Sebastian closed his eyes. He felt really warm, in a fuzzy sort of way. He wanted to just relax and drift asleep. It wouldn't be too hard. He was almost there. One sheep, two sheep, three sheep..

"Get off me!" Kurt's voice cut through his sleepy mind and caused him to jolt awake. Sebastian was suddenly aware that he was still inside of Kurt and Kurt was lying beneath him. Kurt's fists were balled and they were pounding on Sebastian's back, though the blows lacked in power. "Get off!"

Sebastian fought the urge to roll his eyes and pulled out of Kurt before rolling to the side. He snapped the condom off and tied a knot before throwing it in the general direction of the trashcan. He was too spent to bother to get up to throw it properly. When he looked back at Kurt, the boy was already sitting on the edge of the bed. Kurt's boxers were by his knees and he was pulling them up. It seemed as though he was leaving already.

This time it didn't hurt as much. Sebastian hoped that this would be the closure he would need and from now onwards he wouldn't have to think about Kurt Hummel or his evil manipulative ways. That was why he rolled over and went to sleep, letting Kurt get dressed and let himself out. The thoughts of Kurt Hummel would never bother him again. Or so he thought.

Kurt left without his pin.

And when he got a text three days later, he couldn't help but smile.

**Kurt Hummel: You have something that belongs to me. **

And this time, he actually decided to make an effort to get to know the boy instead of just fucking him as hard as he could. It seemed as though closure wasn't something Kurt Hummel offered.

That was the beginning of the recurring dance between water and fire. It wasn't a single wave that crashed against the shore, it was a series of events intertwining them together – bringing them closer for every day. And the jacket pin? It became a standing excuse for Kurt when he wanted to come over. He would text Sebastian saying that he would be over to get the pin. But when he left, the pin was always secure in Sebastian's third drawer.


	3. The Lemon Balm leaves

**AN: That you so much for the wonderful reviews and feedback for this story :) You guys blow my mind away. I've tried to reply to all the reviews, but I've gotten quite a few anon ones, so here's a shout out to ALL of you. Thank you so much for the support - you guys are the best. **

Chapter three – The lemon balm leaves

The smell of brisk lemon filled the air and Sebastian lifted the mug to his mouth. He didn't take a sip or even place his lips on the hot brim of the cup. Instead he took a deep breath and just inhaled the scent. A little sour, but sweet at the same time. It reminded him of the smell of lemon, but it wasn't as bitter or repelling. Unlike the yellow fruit that had a sour and bitter smell, the green leaves swimming in his cup were inviting. It brought make a wave of memories that crashed against him like waves hitting the shore. Slowly the waves came back to where they belonged, over and over again, before they hastily retreated. Sebastian didn't know whether he wanted these memories back. Some of them were nice and spoke of long night perched on the bed with nothing between him and the beautiful boy, while others spoke of slamming doors and shouted words. Surprisingly, the memories of disagreement and discord were the ones that were easiest to remember. They didn't hurt as much. His heart didn't beat as fast when he thought about them. But still the ever-present twinge in his heart was still there and no matter what he did to make it go away, he couldn't. It was as though someone had stuck a knife there and forgotten to take it away.

Instead of fighting against it, he held the cup closer and let the warm scent filled him with memories. Sebastian could remember how Kurt's torso looked like in the moonlight that night. The night where a seed of friendship was planted and they had actually been civil to each other. Who had known that it was possible? Another sniff. Sebastian remembered how his hand slowly slid around Kurt's slender waist as he waited for the boy to pull away… but he never did. Another sniff. He could remember the taste of Kurt's skin; salty from sweat and a slightly bitter from the residue of the cologne he used.

The tip of Sebastian's nose was almost touching the lukewarm water as he tried to get as close as possible to the scent. He remembered the way Kurt's mussed hair looked like when the clock striked three am and they were still awake. They weren't having sex. They were just laying there, enjoying each others presence. The scent of lemon balm was still lingering on Kurt's fingers and all though Sebastian didn't realise it just then, that scent would be the thing he would come to associate with that night. The first night where a sober Kurt slept over willingly. It changed the dynamics of their non-relationship, but both of them were too dazzled to realise it. That night would change them forever, but it wasn't one of those memories of slamming doors that he could easily relive. No, this one was the type that twisted the knife inside of Sebastian's heart until he buckled over on the floor in pain. And still it wouldn't stop. It was a beautiful memory, one of those that Sebastian didn't need right now. Just when he was about the breach the water skin, he set down the mug on the floor. _Closure_, he thought. That was what he needed. And if it meant that he would have to remember that night once again, he would. Maybe it was a sadistic part of him that secretly wanted to remember. To think of the things that have been and dwell in them for a second or two before he could think of the things that would be. Somewhere in the future where things are easier.

In a mesmerized haze, Sebastian snapped off a few leaves from the lemon balm plant and rubbed the leaves between his thumb and his forefinger, just the way Kurt had done that night. The strong scent hit his nostrils straight away, and he fell back on the bed. His head landed on the soft pillow and Sebastian raised the leaves to his nose to smell them one more time. Relive the memory one more time. Before he let it go forever, he promised himself.

"People used them to get rid of unwanted pregnancies," Sebastian said out of the blue, his voice as soft as the warm, mild breeze outside. The two boys were standing on the balcony that was attached to Sebastian's bedroom. It wasn't big, but there was more than enough space for two boys to lean against the black, metal railing that was inspired by early Victorian times. The were a few plants on the sill, but the plant in question was a little curious plant called lemon balm with sturdy green leaves and no flowers that day. The plant had caught Kurt's attention because of the distinctive smell and although Sebastian didn't understand the fascination with the plant, he humoured the other with information. Sebastian himself found himself distracted by something else, something quite divine that he had stopped trying to understand. Instead he just admired its beauty.

The glow from the moon basked them both in an ethereal light. Kurt had a white towel around his waist that clinged to his form, and only that. Sebastian stood right behind Kurt and didn't bother with a towel. He had nothing to hide, not from Kurt and he was lucky enough to have his balcony on the other side of the house, away from prying neighbours. He had nothing to hide from Kurt and he wished that Kurt wouldn't feel the need to hide from him because the towel that was placed snugly around his hips didn't do anything to show off that perfect little ass that Sebastian had taken a liking to lately. It had nothing to do with the fragile intimacy of the situation they were in, he told himself. Kurt just had a nice ass.

"Did it work?" Kurt asked, his eyes transfixed on the full moon above them, though his attention was still on the stupid plant. Sebastian couldn't take his eyes off the light bouncing off Kurt's pale chest, and repressed a soft chuckle, afraid to pierce the bubble of silence around them.

"I don't know. I have never been a pregnant woman in the Middle Ages." He joked lightly, wrapping an arm around Kurt's waist. The towel felt rough against his arms, a prominent contrast to Kurt's soft skin. He had to bathe in moisturiser, Sebastian thought.

It was almost weird how natural it felt to be around Kurt, the boy whom he didn't have anything in common with only a few weeks ago, except that they both wanted Kurt's boyfriend. _Ex-boyfriend_, Sebastian's mind reminded him. The topic of Blaine never came up after the first time at Scandals, and Sebastian didn't pry. He understood that Blaine was the one who had broken up with Kurt and that was the reason Kurt was there at Scandals the first night, but he didn't want to know more. And surprisingly, the thought of Blaine Anderson didn't cross his mind at all lately.

The chapter of Kurt Hummel started untraditionally and completely unforeseen. In movies there was term called _meet cute_ where the hero and the heroine meet for the first time, often associated with something nauseatingly romantic or fluffy. However, the chapter of how Sebastian Smythe met Kurt Hummel was far from fluffy or romantic. But then again, this wasn't a story about a knight in shining armour who saves the princess from the dragon either. It was a story about two boys and the summer that would change their lives forever.

"Maybe I was a pregnant woman in a previous life," Sebastian's joking voice chased away the silence between them. Kurt tilted his head and his eyes left the moon to look at Sebastian instead. The taller boy could see that Kurt's eyes were dark blue in the night and there was something electrifying about them.

"I don't believe in reincarnation. Or god," Kurt replied conversationally.

"What do you think happens when we die?" Sebastian asked, intrigued by Kurt's thoughts on existential questions. It wasn't something he thought about often, but he was brought up in a Christian family with parents whom believed even though their son was gay. They never saw a contradiction between having a faith and loving a son who loved differently from the most. Besides, he wanted to keep Kurt's eyes on him for jut a little longer.

"I think we die, and then.. nothing" Kurt's voice was serious and Sebastian was reminded of the first time he met the boy. The beginning of the chapter of Kurt Hummel, not a meet cute but the ultimate unforeseeable clash of fire and water.

It was coincidental. Blaine Anderson was a legend at Dalton, and just like every other legend it had an aura of mystique around it that was more interesting than the subject of the legend. Sometimes the idea of a person is enough. The mass hysteria around Blaine planted an image in Sebastian's mind of a young gentleman who was seemingly innocent. He had seen pictures, of course, and it was an undeniable fact that the curly-haired boy was hot. And Sebastian was just a little too late to witness the great Blaine Anderson in action. The Warblers talked so much about the former lead singer than it was in the borderline of annoying, but Sebastian's interest didn't actually come forth until he heard that the boy was gay. So naturally when Blaine came back to Dalton, he tried to talk to him. An attempt that proved to be highly successful.

What the other Warblers had forgotten to tell him was the phenomenon that made Blaine transfer; a boyfriend. Jokingly, he told Blaine that it wasn't a matter for him. Why would he care? If Blaine chose to be unfaithful, it was Blaine and the boyfriend's problem, not his. He never sighed up for moral obligations.

And then Kurt Hummel came into his life. Awkward, gay-faced, high-pitched voice like a girl and clothes that would have belonged on a Parisian runway for women's fashion. Sebastian swiftly placed Kurt in an 'irrelevant person' category immediately. But he hadn't foreseen the words that would come out of Kurt's mouth, or the fire in his eyes. The way Kurt protected Blaine and showed a possessive side of him that made Sebastian want to hit all the right buttons just to see him like that. Blaine was forgotten and reduced to just a means to talk to Blaine, but part of the act was to not let Kurt know. Suddenly it became a game. Who could get the last word? The dance between fire and water started. Even before they knew that it was a contest or what the premises were, Sebastian decided that he would win. What he didn't know was that water always overpowers even the fiercest fire.

"Yes, you die and the nothing happens. Your body rots and turns into dust." Kurt's voice broke through the cocoon of silence. Sebastian was suddenly aware that his arm was still around Kurt's waist, but the other boy didn't seem to fight against it. If anything, Kurt came a little closer, leaning into the touch.

"That sounds boring." Sebastian commented.

"Would you rather prefer that we ended in heaven or hell?" Kurt asked and there was a slight mocking edge to his voice.

Sebastian chuckled and shook his head, followed by a slight shrug. He guessed that Kurt wasn't big on religion. "I don't know. I don't think about it too much. I guess what happens after we die happens, and people waste too much time thinking about life after death.. while they could be thinking about here and now." he explained as he looked at Kurt.

Sometimes it felt as though they were more than just acquaintances. Kurt came over three or four times a week. They didn't speak in between the times they met and it was always Kurt who came over. They never went out in public and Kurt never stayed the night. Sebastian thought that this thing they had, whatever it was, would end when his parents came back from their honeymoon, but the inevitable was postponed by a week as Mr. And Mrs. Smythe decided to enjoy the sun in Ibiza for an extra week. Kurt and Sebastian had been doing this for two weeks and Sebastian's parents would be back within a week. Maybe they would stop then. But he didn't want to think about their near future. He would rather think about the boy that was in his arms right now.

Sometimes they kissed, though it wasn't out of love or adoration. Their kisses tasted of fascination and lust and the tingling feeling lasted on their tongues for days after. They didn't cuddle, but sometimes Kurt would let Sebastian hold him. Maybe they could be called friends. Yes, _friends_ sounded like a safe term.

"So what you are saying is.. to screw tomorrow?" Kurt asked, a smile spreading on his lips.

"I would rather screw you," Sebastian's reply came without hesitation and Kurt punched his arm playfully. "We fucked just fifteen minutes ago!"

"That is fifteen minutes of unnecessary waiting" Sebastian countered easily.

Kurt huffed audibly and rolled his eyes, though Sebastian couldn't see it. He broke off a leaf from the plant and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger before he raised it to his nose to smell. It reminded him of the transit between spring and summer. The brisk feeling of spring where everything was new and fresh, but it had a hint of the warm feeling of summer like the scorching sun above. He took a deep breath and let the scent of the plant fill his lungs before exhaling with a happy sigh. Sebastian looked at him with a curious expression, his eyebrows raised judgementally.

"It smells good," Kurt defended, wriggling out of Sebastian's arms to turn around so that he could face the boy. "See for yourself." Kurt broke off another leaf and handed it to Sebastian.

Sebastian looked at the green leaf sceptically. It was just a plant that his mother bought because she thought his room needed some fresh colours. He had moved the plants to the balcony the same day. Kurt looked at him pointedly, so he rolled his eyes and gave the leaf a whiff. He felt utterly stupid doing so, but it put a smile on Kurt's lips. "See? It smells good"

Sebastian merely shrugged. "I guess"

"It smells like fresh grass and warm summer's breeze. And I-.." Kurt stopped when he saw Sebastian's mocking expression and sighed exasperatedly. "Never mind. I'm speaking to deaf ears," he said dramatically.

It was times like these were Sebastian was sure that they were friends. When they actually _talked_. He thought about the latest hook-up he had last night when Kurt didn't come over. He couldn't even remember the blond, cute boy's name. They hadn't talked and Sebastian almost forgotten about him. He was certain that he had his number somewhere on a crumpled receipt, but he wasn't interested in calling him back.

"I vote for less talking and more fucking," Sebastian grinned, though he didn't really mean it. He liked talking to Kurt, but he knew that Kurt expected him to say things like that. They all did. And it was easier to let them see what they believed than to wander on unexplored territory.

"Let's go inside," Kurt murmured and shivered on cue. Sebastian wanted to protest. He wanted to tell Kurt how beautiful he looked in the moonlight, but he couldn't do that. Because Kurt would think that there was more than just friendship between them if he said something as inappropriate as that, and Sebastian was sure that he didn't harbour any of those stupid feelings for Kurt Hummel. He merely appreciated beauty.

So he shrugged once again and walked in. Kurt followed and closed the door to the balcony after him. They had been in Sebastian's room since evening and it was just past midnight. The room was dark, as they hadn't bothered to switch on the light when the sun went down. Sebastian briefly recalled that he had Kurt's cock down his throat when the sun went down, causing the orange glow from the setting sun to shine on Kurt's chest. He had paused for a few seconds to look at the view on Kurt's torso, but the boy had whined impatiently and pushed his head back down.

Somewhere before midnight Kurt had asked if it was okay for them to go out and look at the full moon. And now the clock on Sebastian's wall showed 12:15 and he expected Kurt to throw his clothes on and leave in his black Navigator the way he always did. But he didn't.

Instead he made sure that the towel was still fastened around his waist and sat down on the edge of the bed. Sebastian looked at the other boy and for a short moment it seemed as though Kurt was struggling with himself. He was having an internal debate and it made Sebastian frown that he didn't know what it was about.

"Is something wrong" he asked, frowning at Kurt's direction. Kurt looked hesitant as first, but after a while he shook his head slowly. "No, nothing." He was lying, of course, Sebastian deduced. But he couldn't see why he was lying. Sebastian decided to let it slide. He didn't want a confrontation unless it was of outmost importance.

Finally he was sick of Kurt acting weird and went over to straddle him. Kurt tilted backwards and supported himself on his arms. He was snapped away from his thoughts and look up at Sebastian who was barely taller than him. Sebastian leaned forward and grazed his teeth over Kurt's earlobe, drawing a soft moan from the back of Kurt's throat. With a wicked grin he licked his lips and attached them near Kurt's jugular vein. The unspoken rule forbade him from leaving any marks or hickeys, but he sucked lightly on the skin there before his tongue darted out to lick over the spot. "Seb.." Kurt moaned, his mouth half open. The sound sent blood rushing towards Sebastian's groin and he felt himself grow harder by the second. Gently, he rubbed himself against Kurt's stomach to let the other know about the presence of his unclothed erection. For the second time that night, he wished that Kurt was brave enough to let the towel slip.

"You in for another round before you leave?" Sebastian whispered, lust clear in his voice. Desire clouded his eyes as he looked into Kurt's brilliant blue orbs. Kurt's eyes were dull in the faint light and Sebastian recognised something that looked like hesitation and confusion there.

"Can I stay the night?" Kurt asked. The words were out of his mouth before either one of them was aware of it, but what was said couldn't be reversed. Sebastian was caught completely off-guard. He hadn't expected Kurt to want to stay the night, not when the boy always left. Kurt himself looked unsure as of why he had asked to stay. The seconds ticked past in a deadly quiet fashion and it became painfully obvious that Sebastian hadn't answered. Finally he cleared his throat and shrugged. "Yeah sure, why not?" His other hook-ups stayed the night sometimes, when it was too late to drive, and he never bothered when they wanted to, so why should he care that Kurt asked? Oh right, because this was the boy that casually left him after using him for hot, drunken sex.

Kurt breathed out slowly, but it was obvious that he was relieved. The fear of rejection seared in this cheeks that had turned a faint hue of pink, but it was too dark to notice the difference. The mood was dampened and none of them dared to lean in for a kiss. They were both afraid of the meaning it would hold and the doubt of intimacy made them instinctively steer away. Kurt was the first one to pull away and he shoved Sebastian off his lap. The latter quietly lay down on the bed beside Kurt with his legs dangling off the edge.

"You can tell me if you don't want me here" Kurt said defensively, his head high in the air. Sebastian shook his head casually. He tried not to read too much in it. Kurt was probably tired and didn't want to drive home this late. It was completely understandable. "It's fine. I just.. didn't expect you to. I had the impression that you wanted this to be as little complicated as possible"

"I did! I do.." Kurt wanted to hit himself for being so little eloquent. He straightened himself up and tried again. "I _do_ want this to be uncomplicated, but my dad is asking me where I disappear to all the time and he is a little more than curious of why I come home late when I disappear. For obvious reasons, I don't want to tell him that I'm screwing the boy who used to be after my ex-boyfriend," he explained, crossing his legs on the bed. Sebastian simply nodded and placed his hands behind his head. Why did it bother him that Kurt wanted to sleep over? It shouldn't. He was just being stupid.

"You never told me why you and Blaine broke it off," he said matter-of-factually. It wasn't an accusation or a demand; he was simply pointing it out as a curiosity. A distraction. "I didn't think you would be interested," Kurt countered, his tone still defensive and stiff.

Sebastian shrugged lightly. "Like you said, I'm the boy who _used_ to be after your ex-boyfriend, aren't I?"

Kurt looked torn between keeping it a secret and telling Sebastian, but he figured that it couldn't hurt. After all, the internet sites said that talking about it was a good way to get over it. That was why he was here, wasn't it? To get over Blaine, to prove that he could be without the boy. A nagging voice in the back of Kurt's mind told him that he was there because he couldn't be without intimacy or comfort, no matter what form it came in.

"Blaine and I.." Kurt started, but stopped himself. No, it wasn't something Blaine and him decided. It had been Blaine's decision entirely. He wanted to make it work, at least give it a try. "_Blaine_ decided that a long-distance relationship wouldn't work." Kurt's voice was like sandpaper and even Sebastian could hear how detached the boy sounded, just like the night at Scandals where it all began. He realised that Kurt was taking it harder than he thought he was. He still wasn't over Blaine. And the thought of it left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. Sebastian swallowed hard to wash the taste away, but it remained. "He said that there would be so many hot, gay boys in college and he wanted to save me the pain of being unfaithful to him," Kurt huffed and it was clear to see that Kurt couldn't believe that Blaine would think something like that about him. As if Kurt would ever do something like that to him. "He _also _said that he didn't want to spend his senior year pining after me.." It was obvious to see that Kurt truly believed the latter explanation to be the real reason Blaine broke up with him.

Sebastian felt as though he should say something, because that was what friends did, right? "You are better off without him," he said with a shrug. He wasn't the one for relationships, seeing how he had never been in a serious relationship his entire life.

Kurt looked at him as though he had lost his mind. The intensity from his glare made Sebastian want to look away, but instead he just stared dumbly back. "Think about it," Sebastian defended. "You are going to _New York_ with all the fancy gay bars and the hottest gay men you can imagine. You don't want to have a boyfriend tying you down from that, do you?" he realised that he was preaching about his life style. Kurt rolled his eyes and laid down beside the taller male, on the pillow next to him. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling and Sebastian had the feeling that Kurt was avoiding looking at him.

"Not everyone wants to life their live with a new random stranger every night," he said in a soft voice, more to himself than to Sebastian.

The conversation was getting more and more out of hand, Sebastian decided and it was partially his fault for letting it go this far. He should have stopped the sappy talk even before it started. So he turned over to face Kurt and cupped his cheek, pulling Kurt's face towards him before he claimed Kurt's lips with his own. The kiss wasn't possessive, but forceful. He wanted to distract Kurt from thoughts of Blaine because it wasn't Blaine he was with. It was _him_ and Sebastian had every intention of letting him know that. Kurt kissed him back, hesitantly at first but after a while he joined in with as much passion. He moaned into the kiss, making Sebastian to groan from the back of his throat and roll their hips together. Kurt became very aware that Sebastian was still naked, and when he slid his hands down the taller boy's back, he stopped at Sebastian's ass and squeezed gently.

Somehow, making this about sex made it simpler. He expected Sebastian to take the hint and take it further, but the boy seemed content with just kissing him passionately. Kurt couldn't help but notice that Sebastian's kisses were so different from Blaine. Blaine's had been soft, sweet and they made him feel loved. Sebastian's were rough, lustful and made him feel _wanted._ And right now he didn't want to feel loved. He wanted to feel wanted. He wanted to know that someone desired him even though he didn't have love in his life anymore.

They stayed like that for awhile, kissing, nipping at lips, sighing and moaning against each other and rubbing their erections against each other before Kurt pulled away, not wanting to come from just frottage – not when he knew how good Sebastian's mouth could feel. This was the thing about Sebastian, as opposed to Blaine. Even though he trusted Blaine and loved him more than he loved himself, he was always so set on making it pleasurable for Blaine that he seldom asked for sexual favours for himself. And Blaine didn't like to go down on him. Sebastian, on the other hand, he had no moral obligations to and he also sucked dick like a champion. God knows how many years of training he had.

"Suck me off… Please" Kurt added with a soft whimper when Sebastian rubbed against him again. He was glad for the towel between them or he wouldn't have been able to last this long.

Sebastian didn't know what it was, but he couldn't deny Kurt anything when the boy's eyes were lust blown and _sounds_ like those escaped his pink, kiss-swollen lips. Without replying, he placed fluttering kisses down Kurt's jawline, down his neck, his chest after licking around both of Kurt's pink nipples. He dipped his tongue over Kurt's navel, drawing a short gasp from the boy before placing kisses down his barely noticeable happy trail, stopping when he bumped against Kurt's towel. He undid the towel with a hand, exposing Kurt in all his glory.

Sebastian bit back a lusty groan and ducked his head to take Kurt's erection in his mouth. Kurt threw his head back on the pillow and groaned, his fingers knotting into Sebastian's hand. Sebastian smirked and flicked his tongue over the head of the cock before bobbing down, taking the entire length in his mouth. Thanks to practice, he had little to no gag reflex and in no time had Kurt's entire cock down his throat. Kurt bucked his hips and he took that as a cue to start moving. With perfected technique, he alternated between kitten soft licks to the sensitive, pre-cum leaking head and long sucks down the shaft. Kurt was writhing underneath him and he could hear small moans and whimpers coming from the boy, and a string of incoherent words such as, _More_, _Oh god, Sebastian. That feels so good_, _Yeah. Fuck yeah! Right there_ and the one he liked best, _Yes! Yes! Yes! OhmygodYES! I'm almost there..!_

Needless to say, Sebastian took that as an incentive to keep going and bobbed his head up and down as he wrapped his fingers around Kurt's shaft to jerk him off simultaneously. He kept going through muttered curse words and cries, whimpers and moans until he heard Kurt emit a long moan, and he felt warm liquid fill his mouth. Sebastian lapped it up and swallowed dutifully. A stripe of cum was trailing down Kurt's stomach and Sebastian shot the boy a mischievous look before he lapped it up. He licked it slowly with his tongue and casually bumped against Kurt's oversensitive cock, making him buck his hips and let out a startled moan.

When he was done, Sebastian slumped down beside Kurt and saw that the other's eyes were half-closed. The only problem was that Sebastian was hard now and the problem was starting to be annoyingly painful. "Kuuuurt.." he muttered, and Kurt opened an eye questioningly.

Sebastian rolled to his side and poked Kurt's hip with the tip of his erection, smearing a few drops of pre-cum there. Kurt's eyes snapped open as he glared at the other with undiluted irritation. "You are killing my buzz," he snapped and Sebastian chuckled. "I need you to do something about my problem"

Kurt looked between Sebastian's eyes and his cock as though he was trying to determine whether he was going to do it or not. After a few seconds, he sighed and lowered himself down so that his head was near Sebastian's erection. He didn't do this frequently, and he was not nearly as experienced as Sebastian, but he decided to give it a try. Kurt thought the strong smell would be gross, but to his surprise it was rather inviting. It smelt manly and strong, and there was something entirely _Sebastian_ there. Despite everything, he couldn't deny that Sebastian was very attractive, at least physically. He took a deep breath and tentatively took his cock in his mouth. Sebastian was so hard and leaking pre-cum like mad, all the tension had brought him so close to the edge, but he wasn't _there_ quite yet. But he was close.

Kurt licked up the shaft experimentally and it took Sebastian all he had to not jerk up into Kurt's mouth. He moaned softly, placing a hand on Kurt's neck, caressing him softly. "God yes.. Kurt.." he moaned as Kurt sucked on the tip. The sounds he made seemed to boost Kurt's confidence and he started licking and sucking more steadily. This time Sebastian couldn't restrain himself and bucked up into Kurt's mouth, taking Kurt by surprise. The pale boy's eyes widened and he started sputtering and coughing. Sebastian sat up and wanted to hit himself. He had been _so_ close, and then he had to go on and scare Kurt like that. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice a little whiny.

Kurt hit himself on the chest a few times and nodded. His eyes were a little watery from the shock, but he lowered himself down again, refusing to be fazed by something like that. "I'm fine. Now lay down and take it," he said in a hoarse voice and Sebastian looked at him in awe as he lay down again. The boy resumed licking on Sebastian's sensitive head and soon the mistake was forgotten as Sebastian emitted a series of moans before he came hard down Kurt's throat without a warning.

Kurt mewled and pulled away. Some of the warm liquid went down his throat, but he wasn't used to the taste of it. He realised that it would be even more awkward if he spat it out, so he braced himself and swallowed the rest, cringing from the rubbery taste. He wiped the corners of his mouth and looked down at Sebastian who had a blissful look on his face. Kurt sighed and laid down beside him again.

Still a little dazed from the orgasm, Sebastian put an arm around Kurt and pulled him closer. Kurt turned to the side to face him and smiled a little. "How did I do?" he asked. Sebastian's lips curled up in a cute smile. "Magnificently." It was one of the few times Sebastian ever complimented him directly without any snark or sarcasm.

They stayed like that for a while and both of them lost track of the time. It could have been hours and it probably was. Kurt didn't bother covering himself up this time, and neither did Sebastian. They didn't say anything, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. They listened to each other's heartbeats and exchanged post-orgasmic smiles. They didn't even touch until Sebastian raised his head to mess up Kurt's hair and Kurt swatted his hand away, not before he managed to fluff it up, though. Sebastian chuckled and even Kurt laughed a little. In the corner of his vision, Sebastian saw that it was three am.

He kissed Kurt softly on the lips, not thinking about the implications and pulled the cover over them both. For the first time in his life, he slept with Kurt Hummel in his arms.


	4. The Sleeping Pills

AN: I guess I should add a warning for mentions of a certain suicide attempt, but it is just mentions, nothing more. Also, I don't have a beta so all mistakes and typos made are my own : )

Chapter four – The box of sleeping pills

Something changed that night Kurt slept over. They never talked about it, but Kurt came over every day after that. Sebastian didn't ask why and Kurt didn't explain. They didn't talk about what that night meant. Actually, they avoided talking about themselves at all. At had been five days since that night and Sebastian's parents would be back in two days. Last week he had been so sure that the thing between him and Kurt, this non-relationship that they had would end once his parents came back. It was fun as long as it lasted, but all good things must come to an end or they stop being good. He thought that Kurt wouldn't want to risk exposure or have to witness the awkwardness of being busted by parents, so he thought it would be fair to warn Kurt that they won't be alone anymore.

"My parents come back from Ibiza in two days," Sebastian said conversationally as he loaded their plates in the dishwasher. It was one of the days where Kurt had slept over. Sebastian was in his boxers and had the courtesy to wear a baggy old t-shirt while Kurt was fully dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, a crisp white shirt and a black waistcoat. Apparently it was uncivilised to eat meals without proper clothing.

Kurt didn't even turn his head at the statement, though Sebastian had expected a stronger reaction. At least some kind of sentiment that their days together were numbered.

"I almost thought you lived in this huge house by yourself," Kurt said and Sebastian remembered that he hadn't even told him that his parents were away. He tried to talk about his personal life as little as possible and surprisingly Kurt respected that.

"I wish. I can't wait to have my own apartment in New York". Despite that they were both going to New York, they never talked about their future there apart from a few wayward comments here and there. They never talked about meeting up in New York or the possibility that they might meet each other there. As far as he was concerned, Kurt Hummel was a chapter that would be closed the moment he got out of Ohio.

"Ibiza.. That's an uncommon destination," Kurt said to his surprise. No quiver in his voice, no sentiment apart from maybe genuine curiosity.

"They are on honeymoon," Sebastian found himself saying. He had no idea why he was telling this to Kurt Hummel of all people, but he justified it by telling himself that he was just answering the unasked question. "They go on honeymoon every year to celebrate their happy marriage or whatever". He rolled his eyes and closed the dishwasher shut.

Kurt was still wiping of the table with a cloth. They discovered over the past few days that they worked together naturally. Kurt cooked and Sebastian cut the vegetables. Sebastian cleaned and Kurt would do whatever he meant Sebastian had overlooked, but not without sending Sebastian a judgemental stare that only made Sebastian smirk. The never got in each other's way, except for a few times where they casually bumped against each other. Sebastian didn't know whether it was on accident of it really was some sort of underlying desire that suddenly made it's presence clear that wanted them as close to each other as physically possible.

"That's romantic." Kurt commented lightly just as he finished wiping off the table. The now wet table shone from the light outside. It was a beautiful summer day. Not a day one usually would have spent inside, but Kurt apparently wasn't a big fan out outdoors and Sebastian found that his willpower to say against any of Kurt's limit was diminishing by the hour.

"It's.. whatever. I get the house to myself for a few weeks, they get away from work and stuff, and everyone is happy. But they'll be back by the end of the weekend," he repeated the last part, stressing on the fact that they won't be alone anymore. This was it. It was Kurt's chance to call off this whole thing and say that come Monday, Sebastian would never see him again.

But of course, it was Kurt freaking Hummel. He never did what Sebastian expected him to.

"Don't worry. You look like you are about to lose those precious few brain cells you have left. Parents adore me and I can't wait to get my hands on baby pictures of you." Kurt said casually, as though it was to be expected.

Sebastian didn't know how to respond to that. He had expected.. Never mind what he had expected. Kurt never did what he was expected to. But this felt as though they were stepping over an invisible line. Kurt wasn't his boyfriend. At most, he was his friend and even that was a little sketchy. He wasn't supposed to talk to his parents or want to hear awkward childhood stories about him. He wasn't even supposed to be interested in that. What if Kurt thought that there was something between them. No, not even Kurt Hummel was that stupid. They seldom talked about themselves and after that night, neither one of them mentioned Blaine again. It was off-topic and too personal. That night had been a glitch. Sebastian should never have asked about it in the first place, but the shock of Kurt asking to stay the night and the curiosity to know what really happened got the best of him and he had blurted it out. He would have to be more careful next time.

"I will murder you if you try anything, Hummel. And I will laugh while I'm doing it"

However this didn't have the intended effect as Kurt started laughing. Sebastian sent him a menacing look. "What?" he asked exasperatedly.

"You think you are so scary and badass." There was a teasing note in Kurt's voice and Sebastian arched his eyebrows. He dried his hands on his pants and shoved Kurt playfully against the wall behind the boy and pinned him there with his own body weight. Kurt didn't fight against it, and if anything he looked like he was startled and maybe even a little turned on.

"You don't even know how badass I can be," Sebastian warned with a playful smirk as his fingers brushed over Kurt's cheek. The skin underneath his tanned fingers was pale as porcelain and for a moment Sebastian was afraid to break it.

"Prove it," a single dare came from Kurt's pink lips that were pursed. Kurt's icy blue eyes met Sebastian's green ones and an unspoken _I dare you_ was uttered. The electricity from Kurt's eyes sent tingles of pleasure down Sebastian's spine and he wanted to show him just what he could do. Breakable or not, Kurt was in for a hell of ride.

"I would, but I'm not sure whether you are man enough for it," was the response that came. It had a teasing edge to it, but it was also laced with a promise. Sebastian was asking for permission and it seemed as though Kurt understood.

"Don't back down now, Smythe, or I am going to think that you can't treat me the way I deserve to be treated." Kurt said without batting an eyelash, matching Sebastian's stare with his own.

"And how do you deserve to be treated, huh?" Sebastian asked as he leaned forward, his lips dangerously close to Kurt's earlobe as he breathed hotly against it, but made sure that they never made physical contact. Teasing Kurt was fun, but his lips tingled with the need to be touched. Judging from Kurt's soft shiver, he felt the same way. But Kurt was strong and resilient, and thus didn't say anything.

Sebastian took a chance to spice things up. Things between Kurt and him weren't boring, far from it, but he wanted to know what kind of secrets Kurt Hummel had. He didn't believe that a person was automatically girly or submissive because they bottomed; the way Kurt had exclusively done the entire time, but he noticed the way Kurt's eyes glazed over from lust when he was being extra forceful, so Sebastian decided to test this theory out. "I think you want to be fucked into the mattress without mercy," he whispered into Kurt's ear, ever so slightly letting his bottom lip brush over Kurt's sensitive earlobe.

If the pleasant shudder from Kurt was anything to go after, Sebastian just hit bull's eye.

Within minutes, they clothes were on the floor and Sebastian was pushing him on top of his bed. They were on the edge of the bed. Kurt lying down and Sebastian straddling him. Kurt's legs were dangling off the edge and Sebastian was on the verge of falling down, but he held on to Kurt in a hard grip on his shoulders.

Sebastian blocked away the thought of falling off with a hungry, rough kiss. Teeth clashed with teeth and Kurt let out a throaty moan when Sebastian eased Kurt's bottom lip between his teeth and tugged.

"Turn around," Sebastian said in a commanding voice as he got off the bed. Kurt looked puzzled, but did as he was told. After the initial incident where Kurt didn't want to look at Sebastian when they had sex for the first time and the time after that when Sebastian insisted on them looking at each other as the had sex, they weren't too fussed about it anymore. They went at it in different positions and Kurt had a sneaky feeling that Sebastian flipped through a Kama Sutra before meeting him because there was no way a normal person knew all those crazy positions he wanted to try after he heard that Kurt had been a cheerleader.

When Kurt was on his stomach so on the edge of the bed that only his erection and above was in contact with the mattress and Sebastian was standing by the edge of the bed, he spread Kurt's legs and pushed two lube-slicked fingers inside of him. Wow, when did Sebastian even find lube? His thoughts were cut across as he felt the slight burn from the stretch and balled his fists around the sheets. As the burning turned into tingling pleasure, small whimpers escaped his lips. Kurt moaned into the mattress and felt the rough scratch of cotton against his lips. "Sebastian.. Don't tease.." he demanded when he realised that the boy was taking way too long to do this.

With a chuckle Sebastian pulled his fingers out and tucked Kurt's long, lean legs by his side. The height of the mattress was perfect for doing this. Sebastian's flushed cock slid into Kurt's puckered hole without problem even though he was standing and Kurt was lying on his stomach.

"Fuck…" Kurt moaned when Sebastian was all the way in. He didn't think it was possible to feel so full. As though he was about to be ripped in half. But he wanted it, he needed it. He needed to feel grounded and used. He wanted to feel needed.

Without a warning Sebastian started rocking his hips in quick but long and hard thrusts. Sebastian rolled his head back and moaned softly, the sound of his deep moans mixing with Kurt's small, breathy ones. "Fuck Kurt.. You have no idea how good you look like this..," he sighed contently. "You are just lying there, letting me fuck you as hard as I want to. You like it, don't you? Letting me take control for once?" he chuckled darkly. Kurt couldn't even answer. His head was swimming in pleasure and all he could think of was how he wanted Sebastian to go faster, harder, and just _more. _It seemed as though Sebastian didn't need to hear what Kurt wanted. He instinctively knew, and slammed into the little boy with all his might. Kurt's breathing hitched and he let out a cry of pleasure. "Fuck, Sebastian! Yes!" he cried, feeling tears prickle in his eyes from the intensity. It was pain intertwined with pleasure and he didn't even know why he liked this.

But Sebastian didn't ask questions. He relentlessly pounded into Kurt until Kurt's vision whitened and he came in long ropes on Sebastian's white sheets. His entire body laxed and came to a standstill. He clenched the muscles in his ass and before long Sebastian joined him with his own long, guttural moan as he came.

As their heartbeats slowed down, Kurt let out a happy sigh. "Wow," he muttered in awe. Sebastian took it as a hint that Blaine had never done that to him before. He bet that they always had vanilla sex with a lot of handholding, loving gazes and _I love you_s. Just the thought of it made him want to hurl. Blaine probably thought it was risqué enough to waver from the standard missionary position. He wondered why Kurt even bothered to stay with him and he had to remind himself that Kurt would have stayed with Blaine if it wasn't for _Blaine_ breaking up with him. The whole situation was a little absurd. Sure, he went after Blaine at the beginning, but he quickly lost interest for the boy. But then again, he wasn't the relationship type either so who was he to judge the relationships of others. ..Oh right, he was Sebastian Smythe. He had every reason to judge.

He rolled to the side to get a better look of Kurt. Kurt's head was tilted to the side, so Sebastian couldn't see his facial features but he could see the small rising and sinking of Kurt's hairless chest and the droplets of sweat that clung on to his body. One small bead of sweat was riding down Kurt's toned stomach and Sebastian gulped. His cock twitched in a gallant attempt to get hard again, but he had just come and it wasn't a pleasant feeling. If only Kurt's stupid body would stop tempting him. How did he even land himself in this situation? At the start of summer vacation Kurt was just another unattractive twink with way too many clothes on. That was before he saw Kurt naked. Who would have known that a body like that would be hiding behind all those layers? He knew he was superficial, but he wouldn't have given Kurt the time of his day if he hadn't known how hot he was. And then little by little, Kurt's personality shone through and it felt as though he was being pinned to a wall. Sebastian thought that he would get tired of Kurt, but for every day that went by, he found himself being more and more intrigued by the boy.

However, Kurt's eyes weren't fixed on him. They were on Sebastian's bookshelf. Sebastian seldom talked about it, but he was an avid reader and the variety of his books spanned from the Communist Manifesto, which he read out of poor enjoyment, to Harry Potter. He wouldn't call himself a nerd – just knowledgeable.

He hoisted himself up on his elbow so that he was lying on his side with his hand tucked under his head to see what Kurt was looking at. A sinking feeling hit his stomach when he saw that Kurt's eyes were locked on a certain shelf. It was one of the top shelves where he often placed random items so that he would remember where he placed them; such as keys, his cell phone, condoms, his comb.. and the object he feared the most that Kurt would have noticed; a bottle of sleeping pills.

He tried to keep his voice as steady as possible as he let out a fake chuckle. "Is the bookshelf really more interesting that I am?" he asked in a nonchalant manner as though his heart wasn't beating faster and faster by the minute. He could hear it pounding and he could feel the sickening thud of it. He felt blood coarse though his veins, pumping faster and faster. And it didn't even have anything to do with Kurt's naked body anymore.

Kurt ignored his question completely. "What are those?" he asked in a hard voice.

"I don't know what you are talking about" Sebastian feigned innocence and tried to distract Kurt by placing his free hand on Kurt's chest before leaning down to kiss him. But Kurt pushed him away with more force than Sebastian had anticipated, making him lose balance so that he landed flat on the bed again. It didn't hurt, but Sebastian grumbled unhappily all the same. "What the fuck was that for?"

Yet again Kurt ignored his question. "What are those pills, Sebastian?" His voice had a cold edge to it now and Sebastian froze for a few seconds.

This was why he didn't do this with people. This was why he didn't like guys at his house. Usually he would go to their place, or bring them home at night where it's too dark to see anything in his room. But they never came back during the day. Except for Kurt Hummel. Sebastian didn't like being exposed like that. Everyone knew that Sebastian was a really private person. Most people didn't even know his favourite colour or even what kind of music he liked to listen to.

It was a mistake to let Kurt come back that day when he wanted to get his pin, but his judgement was clouded by lust and fascination for the boy. He let it get the best of him and now he was regretting it. He had let him come too close. He thought it would be fine. Kurt would be a nice summer chapter and when he went to New York he would forget everything about the boy. He would never look back because Kurt was insignificant to him. Now the other boy was trying to act as though he was significant. As though he was a constant in Sebastian's life.

Sebastian got up of the bed and suddenly felt cold without the warm covers to comfort him or Kurt's body to keep him grounded. He felt more naked than he had been in a long time. Exposed. Vulnerable. And it was not something he acted well on.

With a disgruntled sound, he pulled on his boxers and pants, leaving his chest bare. He turned towards Kurt and ran his fingers through his hair that was slightly damp from sweat.

"Leave"

The one word echoed through the room and Sebastian wanted to cringe from the force of the word, but he held his tight mask. He felt the mask slipping on, moulding his face into a hard glare and tightening his features in a suffocating way. But it was better than being exposed. It was better than the raw feeling of being scrutinised.

Kurt arched his eyebrow and Sebastian could almost hear his thoughts. _Make me. _He was daring Sebastian to make him leave because there was no way he was letting this go.

Stupid Hummel and his stupid resolve. Why couldn't he just run away like everyone else did? Sebastian stared back and their gazes clashed. Sebastian's was fierce and laced with anger while Kurt's was calmer but unyielding. Their stares spoke of struggle where Sebastian wanted to be on top, he needed to be in control of his life and his choices while Kurt was adamant and betted on eroding away Sebastian's hesitation. Fire clashed against water, but fire wasn't ready to give up quite yet. Sebastian tore away from the staring contest and fumbled to get Kurt's clothes. He threw it on Kurt's lap and folded his arms. He didn't say anything else. The gesture should have been enough for Kurt to get the signal.

Kurt scrambled to get his clothes on and Sebastian only turned around to look at him when he was buttoning the top buttons on his shirt. Kurt was still sitting on his bed fully clothed and Sebastian's jaw tightened.

"Now will you tell me what those are?" Kurt asked in a demanding voice.

"Why would I tell _you_ that?" Sebastian knew he was being incredibly childish, but he didn't want Kurt to know. No one did. Not about this. He was so stupid. He shouldn't have left them there in plain sight, but with Kurt being here all the time, he had forgotten to put them away.

"Sebastian.." Kurt sighed and got up. He took a few steps in Sebastian's direction but stopped when he saw the taller boy take a step back. "Those are sleeping pills, aren't they?" he asked.

"It's nothing. I have chronic insomnia. Look it up" Sebastian sneered in an attempt to brush it off. Kurt couldn't know about this. He didn't build up these walls around him only for little gay-faced Hummel to tear them down.

Kurt didn't look like he believed him. "You have no problems sleeping when I sleep here. You don't take those pills then. I would have known" he said, but his voice was more cautious now, as though he didn't know what Sebastian was capable of doing.

It made Sebastian want to scream and tear his hair out. He cautious tone in Kurt's voice was enough to make him want to slap somebody. It wasn't like he had suddenly turned mad since the revelation of the pills, so why was Kurt treating him differently?

"My dad has those too." Kurt said in a soft voice when Sebastian didn't reply. "He got them after my mom died. It helped him calm down on the worse days, he told me." It was as though Kurt thought that opening him to Sebastian would make Sebastian spill his secrets. As though this was a game of show and tell. Kurt would tell him something he didn't tell others and Sebastian had to do the same. The only problem was that Sebastian didn't want to play.

"Listen, Princess, that is heartbreaking and all," he started in a condescending tone, implying that he didn't think it was neither heartbreaking nor sad. "But like I said, I just have chronic insomnia. You don't need to go all mama bear on me," he said, rolling his eyes. It was easier to lie about having insomnia than to admit the real reason.

"Sebastian.." Kurt said in a tone that implied that he didn't really believe the other. This Sebastian reminded Kurt of the person he initially met at the Lima Bean with Blaine. Not the playful, intelligent guy he had witnessed over the past weeks. No, this Sebastian was the guy who hid behind condescending remarks and insults to protect his own heart. Kurt knew what it was like to protect your heart. He was doing it the night he met Sebastian at Scandals. The real night, the night where he learned to open glass bottles with his teeth – not the night where he had to watch Blaine dance with Sebastian for a good portion of the night. He had hidden behind the influence of alcohol and broken mutters of _make me forget. _As though it would make things better. Sometimes he still wanted to hide. And sometime he still did.

Humans are such fragile creatures. Sometimes doesn't take more than a few words to crush us completely. How many lives have gone to waste because of the underestimated power of words? But fragility is what makes life worth living. The knowledge that tonight could be the last. This could be a last hug or the last smile you'll get to see. It does something to the human mind. But sometimes, on rare occasions, you can see a glimpse of something stronger. Stronger than one person, stronger than an army, than a country. Hope. It brings us through pain and sorrow with the promise of a better day. And that was the promise Kurt was holding on to. That no matter how hard it was to think about a certain curly- haired boy. No matter how hard it was to go to sleep without a pair of arms holding around him, no matter whose they were. No matter how hard his hard clenched when he met someone who vaguely resembled Blaine; he would get over it. There would be a day where it wouldn't hurt anymore.

For every day that went by he felt the pain etch away little by little. Some portions of the pain, like the broken promise of forever, didn't go away. It was just numb – lifeless. Kurt wondered if it would ever go away. But regardless, Sebastian was part of the reason it was going away. The knowledge that he was wanted, even though Blaine didn't want him got him though a lot. And now it was hard for Kurt to see Sebastian like this. He wanted to reach out a hand and help, but he didn't know what to do. He looked at the boy with a cautious expression, unknowing that it was the worst thing he could do.

Sebastian felt Kurt's eyes on his back, and it felt as though he had a caterpillar on his spine, forcing him to shudder. Suddenly he felt the need to put on a shirt. He took a random t-shirt from his closet without even looking at it and put it on. It was a powder blue Lacoste polo shirt with a collar that he instinctively popped up. Still with the shirt on, he felt naked, as though Kurt could see right through him with that look. He folded his arms over his chest protectively and looked down. He was fully clothed, but still it felt as though he didn't have a thread on his body.

Kurt got out of bed and pulled on his jeans and the sweater poncho-thingy that Sebastian was convinced had to be sewn by Kurt himself as no one else would have worn that.

He watched as Kurt inspected the sterile white bottle and a lump raised in his throat when Kurt read the label.

"These are strong pills," Kurt said in a dreading voice, as though he was walking on eggshells.

Sebastian was fed up with the detective work that Kurt apparently was trying to do. He didn't need help and he didn't need to be fixed. He wasn't some car at Hummel Tires & Lube that needed reparation, and he didn't need Kurt to meddle in his affairs.

"I thought you were on your way out". Sebastian had meant for it to be menacing, but it came out surly instead.

"Why are you trying to kick me out?" Kurt asked, looking suspiciously at him.

"Because it's none of your business!" Sebastian snapped. He didn't have to deal with this. If Kurt didn't leave, he would. He stormed towards the balcony attached to his room and stopped by the railing. He pressed his body against the metal railing and looked down. There wasn't much to see, just the green grass of his back yard, a few apple trees and his mother's roses. The fresh air hit him in the face and Sebastian let go of the breath he wasn't aware he was holding. His hands grasped around the cold metal bar and he squeezed with all his might, just to feel something other than the feeling of being naked. On display for Kurt Hummel to watch and laugh at.

He heard footsteps behind him and hung his head. Of course Kurt wouldn't leave him alone. When did he ever do as he was told to?

"Sebastian.. Why do you have those sleeping pills?" he asked again and Sebastian sighed. Kurt came closer and even though their bodies weren't touching and Sebastian wasn't looking at the other boy, he could sense the other behind him. His skin prickled in an uncomfortable way from knowing that Kurt could see him like this. His knuckles were paling by the second from the pressure he was exerting on the metal, but he couldn't care. "I told you. Chronic insomnia. Some people are born with it"

"You are being careful, aren't you?" Kurt asked, biting his lip. Only then did Sebastian realise that Kurt thought that he was… suicidal. Kurt thought that he had these pills because he wanted to end his life. He snapped his head around and stared at the other with disgust clear in his face.

"What the fuck, Hummel? I'm not going to kill myself!" he snarled, folding his arms.

Kurt's jaw dropped at the sudden confrontation and he hastily shook his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to assume that.. Just after the incident with David.. I was worried-.." he stopped himself and looked away.

Sebastian sneered in reply. "You thought that I would want to kill myself?"

"No.. I just.." Kurt didn't know what to say. He couldn't deny that he had thought it. But if he said that out loud, it would make things worse. So he opted for not saying anything at all.

"And if I was going to kill myself, why would you care?" Sebastian snapped. He had enough of people assuming that he was a certain way because of the way he dressed, or talked, or because his parents were rich. He was tired of those who meant that he was actually hurting on the inside because he was brutally honest with people.

It was stupid. It was stupid to care like this, to let Kurt get under his skin. Stupid of him to show emotions. This was what he had worked so long for. To shut people outside so that they wouldn't mean enough to him for him to get upset over something they say or think.

"Because we are friends.." Kurt's voice was unsure, as though he didn't know whether they were friends. But he had said it nevertheless.

Sebastian scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Yes, we are. But that doesn't give you the right to pry in my personal life"

A small part of Sebastian wanted to reach out and tell Kurt the truth. Maybe it would lift the pain off his chest. But he wouldn't let himself be so weak.

"Sebastian.. Get back inside.." Kurt extended a hand for him to hold, but Sebastian ignored it and went inside with his arms still folded. Behind him, he could hear Kurt sigh and if the situation wasn't so weird, he would have laughed.

But he wanted to scrub his skin clean for all traces of the humiliation he felt because Kurt Hummel _knew. _No one knew, no one besides his parents. It was a burden they carried together. But Kurt.. he wasn't supposed to be in that equation.

"Can we talk about it?" Kurt's voice echoed in the room. Ever the diplomat, Sebastian thought.

"Why?"

"Because I care about you"

Sebastian's jaw tightened. "You are not my boyfriend! Get it to your head! We are not in a relationship and you have no obligations to me," he said in a raised voice and sent Kurt a spiteful look. "So stop smothering me, because this is not what I asked for. You are supposed to be a good fuck, that's all!"

The look on Kurt's face would stick in Sebastian's mind for days afterwards. How Kurt's jaw dropped, how his eyes glazed over in hurt, how he had bitten his bottom lip to refrain from saying something he would regret.

He would remember how Kurt picked up his messenger bag with a robotic movement that lacked the elegance he usually carried. How he walked out of the door, but just as he was outside Sebastian's bedroom, he turned his head to utter two simple words.

"Goodbye, Sebastian"

And just like that, he was gone.

Those words were not a promise that they would see each other again the next day. No, there was a ring of finality about it. Sebastian had pushed him away and Kurt stopped fighting back. He had his own battles to fight, his own demons to conquer. That night Sebastian went to bed alone in his empty house. The wind wailed a little louder, the rustle of the leaves outside was almost ear piercing – but the silence shook his bones. He toyed with the lid of the bottle for a few minutes, thinking through the day. Did he regret not telling Kurt? No. But he did regret the last words he had said to him. He wished he never said them. It had happened so fast, he had slipped on a mask and let his defence mechanism use his mouth as a puppet. But then again, everyone needed famous last words.

He looked at the pill in his palm. A single pill, enough to knock him out for a good eight hours. Kurt was right, he never took them when he was with the other boy. He didn't need to block out the numbing sound of silence when he fell asleep to the sound of Kurt's breathing. He didn't need to block out the icy cold when Kurt's body was pressed against his own. He didn't need to pretend that he wasn't alone.

He swallowed the pill whole and waited for sleep to catch up with him.

**AN: Thank you for reading. I'm planning on updating at least once a week. I'll post little teaser snippets from the new chapter as I write that you can check out at morethantonight . tumblr . com / tagged / tbos**

**Reviews are love!  
**


	5. The Phone

**AN: This chapter was really the hardest one to write by far and I don't know if I have done it justice at all. It's a hard topic to write about and I want all the reactions to be as natural as possible, but the problem is that there are no natural reactions to things like that. Everyone react in their own way and this is how I imagine Kurt and Sebastian to react. With that said, I have to say that writing a so.. cell phone centred chapter was a challenge and I hope it turned out okay. **

**Warnings for suicide mention. **

It was way past midnight now. When did it even become this late? The last time Sebastian looked out of the window, the moon was shining brightly outside his window. Now a small stream of light seeped through his window. The sun was already coming up. Could it really only be a few weeks ago that he and Kurt were in this very same room, arguing over this bottle of pills he had in his hand? No, they weren't arguing. Kurt had expressed concern for him and he had pushed him away, the same way he did with everyone else who tried to come too close to him. This was what he did. He scorched, he burned, and he pushed people away. It was the nature of fire.

But he wouldn't be standing here right now if that were the ending of the chapter about Kurt Hummel. There were a lot of things Sebastian regretting doing in his life, but not giving up on Kurt after that incident was one of the few things he didn't regret. Or maybe it was Kurt who didn't give up on him even though Sebastian presented him with a valid reason to do so. But he was getting ahead of himself now.

The moon was slowly fading, cocooned by the bright light seeping through the clouds. How long had he been awake now? It was almost 4 am, and but it felt as though he had been awake for days.

The days after the grand goodbye with Kurt had been uneventful despite Sebastian's efforts to make them as busy as possible. He went to Scandals the next night, but every time he caught a glimpse of a brown haired boy matching Kurt's height, his heart beat abnormally fast, his palms became sweaty and he felt the need to get out of the overcrowded bar. He went home without a score that night, and yet again the small white pill met his lips as he tried to get some sleep. The day after, the last day he had before his parents came home, he decided to forget about Scandals. He didn't want to risk a run-in with Kurt, even though the chances of finding the boy there were minimal. Instead he drove a good two hours to another gay bar, The Sphinx.

Unlike Scandals, The Sphinx was actually glamorous. It was one of those two-story dance bars with strobe lights and stripper dancers in cages. It was a tad too much for Sebastian for a regular outing, but sometimes he would go there when the selection at Scandals was minimal and he wanted a change of scenery. Initially The Sphinx had been a hit. He forgot everything about getting home and downed a shot after the other before he let the pulsating music fill his body. He could feel the burn from the alcohol in his throat and the slightly dizzy feeling it gave him. He caved in to the feeling; he dipped into it and revelled in the mindlessness of it. His body felt numb but alive at the same time. Heading towards the dance floor, he squeezed his way through dancing, laughing males to get to the very centre where bodies were pressed so tightly against each other that it felt like one big, pulsing organism. Before long the music took control of his body and he was laughing along with the other strangers.

One man caught his attention. He was tall, even taller than him with jet-black hair and extension earrings. He was wearing a tank top that showed off the many tattoos he had on his arms. A voice in the back of his mind said that Kurt wouldn't approve of him. He pushed that voice away and revelled in the fact that he looked nothing like the brown-haired dainty-looking boy back in Lima.

Even better so, the man was looking straight back at him. This part of the game was all too familiar for Sebastian. Once eye contact was made, it was all a game. Like chess, it was about predicting the opponent's move and having a counter move ready. The man came closer for every bar of the song, but he did it so subtly that Sebastian was probably the only one who noticed. He didn't want to look desperate, Sebastian thought. Instead of meeting him halfway, he let the man come to him. It was all a game, after all. He turned away and pretended not to care. He pretended as though he didn't see the man at all. Let him come.

Before long he felt a body press up against his back, even closer than the other bodies that were a frenzy around him. The corners of Sebastian's mouth turned upwards in a smirk. The man snaked an arm around Sebastian's waist. It was hot and demanding. _You are mine for as long as I please_. For once it was nice to have somebody pursue him instead of the other way around. He was tired of being the one to initiate everything.

Sebastian turned slowly in the other man's arms with an innocent look upon his face. The music was too loud for them to speak to each other, but it didn't matter. There was nothing Sebastian wanted to hear from this man and there was nothing he wanted to tell him either. They danced together for a while, the man's hands wandering everywhere; over his back, his ass, the place where his butt turned into thighs. Sebastian moved his hips to the music, purposefully grinding his crotch against the man's. For every moment, the man's eyes became darker and darker and Sebastian could feel his hard cock against his thigh, but he didn't say anything. It was a game. Before long, the man took hold of Sebastian's hand and dragged him out of the inner circle. He won.

Sebastian could feel the alcohol clouding his senses and he bumped into countless people as he was being dragged out, people he didn't even bother to apologise to as they were too busy dancing to even notice. The next thing Sebastian recalled was standing in a locked stall in the men's room. It was ridiculous that a place like this even had a ladies room as its patrons were almost exclusively men.

The music was softer here, but only barely. The man was already getting his pants down on his knees so he followed suit without questioning it. This was so familiar for him that it went on autopilot. It seemed as though the tattooed man didn't want names or pleasantries and that was more than fine for Sebastian. He wasn't here to chat. He wanted to get off. The man got on his knees and Sebastian noticed for the first time how manly he was. His biceps were huge and his shoulders were broad. He was probably one of the straightest looking men he had ever seen, if you believed in the theory of gay people looking gay.

Before Sebastian could catch a glimpse of the colour of his eyes, the view was obscured by a mop of black hair. White hot tingles of pleasure shot up from his cock, making his knees go weak and the telltale feeling of a wet tongue licking along the underside of his cock told his alcohol and now lust-addled brain what was going on. He gripped the man's hair roughly and forced him down on his cock. Surprisingly enough the man didn't gag. Unlike Kurt.

Suddenly his thoughts shot back to the beautiful boy and Sebastian could picture the expression he would have if he had seen him now. He could see the burning contempt in Kurt's eyes swirling around with the colour-changing thunderclouds in Kurt's eyes.

Sebastian felt a shiver down his spine and it was not of the good kind. No matter how skilled the man on his knees was, he just couldn't get into it. The hair he fisted didn't have the right length. The man was too tanned. His shoulders were too broad. He wasn't Kurt.

With a frustrated growl Sebastian pushed the man away and from the corner of his vision he saw the confused expression the man had. Sebastian shook his head and muttered a bad excuse before he pulled his pants up and stormed out of the bathroom.

Being back in the loud, crowded dance floor wasn't appealing, so he got out of the bar. He headed towards his car before he realised that he wasn't going to be able to drive in his condition and he didn't want to risk damaging his car by ending up in an accident. So he called a cab and waited.

That night Sebastian went to bed alone too and the cold he felt in his bones were not because of the temperature in his room. They were chills of lonliness. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had gotten used to having the little gay-face beside him as he slept, and even though Kurt didn't sleep over he knew that it wouldn't be long until he saw him again. But now it seemed darker than it had done before.

His parents came back and even they noticed that something was off with him. Sebastian brushed it off and said that it was a stupid cold, and they didn't ask any further.

It had been exactly one week since he last spoke to Kurt and during that time there was nothing between them. No calls, no texts. Kurt didn't even post anything on facebook. Not that Sebastian checked every hour. After a while he started getting worried. What if Hummel never really got home that night? What if he got run over by a truck? Or kidnapped and sold to some creepy country?

So he decided to text the boy.

**From Sebastian Smythe: Jeff asked if you were alive.**

He waited for a whole hour without a single reply.

**From Sebastian Smythe: So… Are you?**

Again, no reply. Sebastian's patience was being tested.

**From Sebastian Smythe: Okay, so it wasn't Jeff who is asking. It's me. Are you alive? If you are, say something. **

**From Sebastian Smythe: Kurt? **

**From Sebastian Smythe: I know this is your number!**

**From Sebastian Smythe: Okay okay, I was an idiot that day. What else do you want me to say? **

**From Sebastian Smythe: Kurt.. Please tell me that you are all right. **

**From Sebastian Smythe: Now I think that aliens who are probing you on an hourly basis have kidnapped you. **

But no matter what he wrote, he never got a reply. He contemplated driving to Hummel's house to see if he was alive, but that would mean showing Kurt how much he cared. He was being silly. Besides, he didn't even care.

But Sebastian was losing his own game. He was starting to care. Exactly one week and two days after Kurt walked out his door, Sebastian finally gathered the courage to swallow his pride. He told himself that he was just checking up on the boy.

His thumb slid over the phone screen as he looked for the right contact. Doubt filled his mind. Should he really be doing this? Maybe it would be the best for both of them if he just tried to forget the pale-skinned boy. There was a great chance that Kurt didn't even want to talk to him. However he knew. Sebastian knew that he wouldn't be able to have a good night's sleep without talking to him one final time. He had to fix things. Ever since the incident with Karofsky, Sebastian had really tried to be a better person. And something within him told him that he wasn't done with Kurt yet.

He didn't give himself the chance to back out and quickly tapped on Kurt's name. The dialing tone made his heart beat faster and suddenly he felt like a fourteen-year-old teenager about to talk to his crush.

The phone rang and rang. Sebastian counted until fourty-five and just as he was about to hang up, he heard a soft voice in the end of the other line.

"_Hello?_"

Sebastian exhaled in relief. Kurt was alive. A part of him wanted to hang up because he had just called to see if everything was all right.

"_Sebastian, I know it's you_," Kurt's resigned voice was a little biting this time.

"Uhm.. Yeah. I just wanted to know that you are not dead, or anything…", Sebastian's voice trailed and he realised how stupid it sounded.

"_I'm not dead, but I have been kidnapped by aliens who are probing me on an hourly basis_," Kurt scoffed, with a mocking voice.

Sebastian rolled his eyes even though Kurt couldn't see it.

"I'm only going to say this once, so you better listen carefully. I'm sorry for what I said that day. I shouldn't have blown up in your face like that. You are not pushy and you are not suffocating me. It was just something I said because I wanted you out of there." Sebastian took a deep breath before continuing. "In my defence, you shouldn't have pushed me like that. Don't you have secrets you don't want to tell anyone?"

Kurt was quiet for a while before he answered.

"_I do have secrets. But what I liked about the.. thing we had was that I could be myself in ways I can't be when I'm with people who have known me for years._" Kurt's voice was hesitant again, just like the time when he said that they were friends. Sebastian didn't fail to notice that Kurt - deliberately or not - had used past tense to describe them.

Before Sebastian could respond to that, Kurt continued. "_Like you said, we don't have obligations to each other. And we both know that by the end of this summer, we will just be two strangers in the same city who shared a summer together. We will probably never see each other again and even if we did, we both know that we won't talk to each other. So why pretend? Why should we put up these walls around us? Why do we act as though whatever we say to each other will affect out future? Whatever we have is not permanent; so let's just enjoy it for what it is. We keep so many secrets from the world, Sebastian. Both you and I. So let's pretend that we don't have secrets. Just you and I. Just this summer." _

By the end of the little speech, Kurt felt a little breathless and Sebastian was completely speechless. The silence stretched between them like a balloon getting bigger and bigger, ready to pop.

Sebastian wrecked his mind for something to say, but words failed him. When the silence was sufficiently awkward, Kurt spoke up again.

"_Okay, listen. I know that was a bad idea.._"

"-No.. I like it." Sebastian didn't know what possessed him to do it. Maybe it was the same fascination that pulled him towards Kurt no matter how many times he tried to stay away. Maybe it was the loneliness of not telling anyone. He didn't want to be alone, even though he knew that it was just for one summer. It couldn't hurt, could it? To open up for the rest of the summer and then pretend it never happened.

"_You.. Do?_" Kurt sounded genuinely surprised.

"No pretences, no secrets.. It sounds absolutely crazy, but I can do that. But at the end of this summer, everything stops. At the end of the summer, you and I are complete strangers and I am just the boy who tried to steal your boyfriend," he said, just to clarify.

".._I'll be over_," Kurt said, and Sebastian could hear the relief in his voice.

"No wait, my parents are here.. Let's meet for coffee instead," he suggested.

"_Sebastian Smythe is actually requesting a civil conversation. This could be interesting_.."

"I'll see you at the Lima Bean, Tinkerbell"

And just like that, his summer became something entirely different than he had planned it to be.

They had met for coffee and coincidently, the table where Sebastian and Blaine had been sitting the first time Sebastian met Kurt was vacant. In a way it fitted the situation they were in. It felt as though they were going to get to know each other for the first time all over again. This time there would no pretences. Just Kurt and Sebastian. Two boys who were willing to strip themselves to the bone just for the sake of it. Kurt needed someone who wouldn't judge him. No matter how much he loved his friends, knowing people for years made it hard for them to differentiate between the person you were for three years ago and the person you are now. Kurt needed someone to feel physically close to as he licked the wounds from his previous relationship. Sebastian needed someone who was able to keep up with him, someone who could give back as much as they got. But most of all he wanted someone he would share his deepest, darkest secrets with, even though it was just for a summer. A permanent relationship was scary. That was why he didn't tell his friends, because they would have too much to say in his life. But Kurt would be a non-existent factor in his life after this summer. There would be no problem.

How could they know that the other wouldn't betray them? They couldn't know. But they were willing to trust, because at the end they would both have something on the other.

Sebastian didn't know Kurt's coffee order the way Blaine did, but Kurt didn't expect him to either. They got their coffees separately and unconsciously drifted towards the table where they first met. Sebastian was the first to sit down. While he busied himself with stirring sugar and milk into his coffee, Kurt just stared at him.

"You haven't seen me for a few days and you already can't tear your eyes off me, huh?" he asked, finding it surprisingly easy to fall back into that light, mildly teasing, conversational rhythm they shared. A few days was an understatement. One week and two days, but it wasn't like he was counting.

"I see you haven't become any more manageable in the lack of my presence," Kurt shot back.

And they knew, they both knew that no matter how things had ended last time, they hadn't lost their push and pull.

They drank from their coffees with a comfortable silence surrounding them. It was the middle of the summer and the Lima Bean was pretty packed. There were mostly girls there, laughing along with their friends about god knows what. Sebastian didn't mind them. He looked at Kurt and broke the silence.

"I'll tell you," Sebastian said. This time he felt as though he had a choice, a real one. Instead of being pushed into telling the truth while he was in a state of distress, he could choose to open up or walk away. The choice was his. No secrets, no pretences. Just the promise that they would be strangers sometime soon. Kurt looked up from his coffee with a questioning look.

"You said that your dad used sleeping pills after your mother's death?" Words came easier to him now. He had thought through what he was going to say and how he was going to say it. As long as he wasn't interrupted, he could say it and still stay detached. Not let himself feel the pain of his words. He had felt that pain like a throbbing stab to the heart for so many years now that it was something he just learned to live with. Thinking about it, talking about it made the pain worse, but he was glad that they were in a packed café instead of his bedroom. Sebastian wouldn't let himself break down here.

"I guess it was the same for me too. I.. I had a sister, Gabrielle. And she.. she was taken away from us," he paused to look down at his coffee.

No matter how much he had prepared, he knew that this would be hard. He had never told anyone with his own words about this, apart from his therapists. He knew that there were rumours in the neighbourhood and sometimes friends of his parents would come to visit and deliver food at the same time every year. "Well, she actually decided to go." Words felt heavy in Sebastian's mouth. There was no right way of saying this. Suddenly it felt as though someone held his heart in a hard grip, squeezing it firmly, ripping open old wounds. But they were in a public place, he reminded himself. This was no place to show feelings like that.

"She-.. She committed suicide when she was our age – a senior in high school. She was smart - brilliant, in fact. Extremely pretty and popular too. She was at the top of her classes and she was adamant on going to Harvard." Sebastian swallowed slowly.

Memories of a girl with wavy brown hair and sparkling green eyes came to his mind. She had a big smile on her face and was looking at Sebastian with love in her eyes. "No one knows what happened. One day she just.. There was no note, no goodbyes. Her friends were as startled as we were. Startled is probably not the right word to use. Devastated.." Sebastian picked on his fingernails to have something to focus on. He didn't want to look up to see Kurt's expression. He didn't want to see the look in his eyes. He guessed that he would find pity there. He didn't want Kurt's pity. He just wanted to tell him.

"Sebastian.. That's.." Kurt stopped himself. What was he supposed to say? That it is horrible? Sebastian already knew that. That he was sorry? That sounded too empty and impersonal. Sebastian didn't want formalities. If anything he wanted Kurt to be the one "If I may ask.. How did she die?"

Sebastian forced himself to not look up. He didn't know if he could continue if he looked at Kurt's beautiful blue eyes. He guessed that they would look like the vast ocean right now and it would be too easy for him to drown in it.

"We don't know where she got them, but she overdosed on painkillers. The strong ones with codeine in them that you get on prescription." His voice was cold and detached. He didn't want to think of her as the lifeless, pale body he saw. No, he wanted to remember the smiles, the trips to the beach, the cakes they made together that Sebastian would screw up every time. "I found her on the bathroom floor. I was thirteen," he added in a soft voice.

Kurt gasped and he felt something warm over his hand. Kurt's hand was over his, squeezing softly. Sebastian didn't need to look up to understand what that gesture meant and he appreciated the comfort.

There, he had said it. But that wasn't the story about Gabrielle he wanted to tell. He wanted to talk about the good times, the jokes they shared, about how he adored her above everything else in the world.

"I used to call her Ariel," he revealed, looking up for the first time. Kurt's eyes were filled with sympathy, a look he had never seen before. He used a few seconds to commit the look to his memory so that he could recognise it another time.

Kurt nodded softly, as though he understood what Sebastian needed. "Like the mermaid?" Kurt asked tentatively, afraid that he was overstepping.

Sebastian nodded in return and the tiniest of smiles was visible on his lips.

"Yeah, that's exactly why. I would put on a made-up Jamaican accent that sounded absolutely horrible, for the record, and she would pretend to be a mermaid with long, wavy red hair." Something in Sebastian's eyes danced, like a flicker of light. Of life. And Kurt couldn't help but stare. Why did this version of Sebastian come from? The boy he met months ago certainly wasn't this sweet. Or sweet was probably the wrong word to use to describe Sebastian. _Real_ was the word Kurt was looking for. Suddenly Sebastian felt like a real person, and not like a character in a book.

"We used to go to the beach and she always made the most beautiful sand castles. I tried to make some as well, but I wasn't good with my hands. Sometimes I got mad because her castles were nicer than mine so I would pretend to accidently fall on them," Sebastian admitted and Kurt couldn't help but chuckle.

"I wish I could have met her," Kurt said in a soft voice and squeezed Sebastian's hand harder. This time Sebastian didn't call him out on trying to suffocate him or accuse him for thinking that they were in a relationship. No, they were just two friends in a coffee shop talking about difficult things. As much as Sebastian wanted this to feel normal, there was absolutely nothing normal about him talking to Kurt Hummel about these stuff. But sometimes you had to live on the wild side and take chances.

"She probably would have adored you. She would have doted on you and tried to tie ribbons in your hair," Sebastian snickered, finding it surprisingly easy to talk about this. His shrinks and his parents often talked about the negative things, about how hard it must have been for him to find her dead, about how empty life was without her. But he realised that what he really needed was to remember the good things, share the fantastic moments that he would never forget, no matter how hard he had tried to do so.

Kurt dared to smile teasingly. "Are you telling me that there is photo proof that you have had ribbons in your hair?"

Sebastian let go of Kurt's hand and shook his head with a smile. "What do you think of me? I burned them all a long time ago"

Kurt took back his hand and placed it on his lap.  
"You know, I lost my mother when I was eight," he admitted, looking into Sebastian's eyes where he begged for understanding. A part of him almost expected Sebastian to sneer and write it off as a non-existent problem, or for him to make fun of him. That was the Sebastian he used to know. This Sebastian was still so new and confusing and he didn't know when it was going to blow up in his face.

To his surprise Sebastian offered a comforting smile.  
"Are you telling me that there are photos of a 7 year old Kurt Hummel with ribbons in his hair?" he shot back without hesitation.

They didn't know how long they spent there but when they looked out of the window when the conversation started to wane, it was already dark. Sebastian felt lighter, as though he had put down a huge weight he was carrying. Kurt had a lot on his mind to process, this whole new Sebastian to get to know. They said goodbye and Sebastian said that he would send Kurt a sext later that night. Jokingly Kurt encouraged him.

They drove in opposite directions, but only when Sebastian parked his car outside his house did he feel something wet around his eyes and suddenly, just like that he started crying for the first time since his sister's funeral.

**AN: So here's me hoping that I didn't fuck it up completely. Cheers! **

**Reviews are love. **


	6. The Box of Condoms

AN: I'm sorry about the delay, but here it is. Thanks to Maria for being an angel and proofreading while I was too tired to do so myself. Uhm.. This chapter is mostly in Kurt's line of vision and there is a reason for it. You'll see :) Thanks for reading!

Chapter six – The box of condoms.

Sebastian put back his phone in the neat line where it belonged. There were seven items on the mahogany table and the table itself glowed in mysterious red light as the sun came up outside. He didn't want to waste his time sleeping, not when his days left here were measured. He could sleep when it all ended. He could sleep on the plane to New York. The plane that would take him far away from here; from the memories, the places, the people. His fingers brushed across the bottle top – the beginning of it all, the jacket pin – the day it became a reoccurrence and not just a drunken mistake, the lemon balm leaves – the first time Kurt spent the night, the sleeping pills – the rock in the path, the phone – the point where their relationship was altered forever. The next object was a rectangular box. It was simple on the outside with smooth surfaces and a discreet blue nuance. He ran his thumb over the lid, feeling the cool touch of the plastic that was unwavering beneath the pressure he exerted. Opening the box, he saw that there were three small packages left. They were square in shape with an imprint of a round circle in the middle. Condoms.

He could remember the flicker in Kurt's eyes. That day, Kurt's eyes were a brilliant azure that reminded Sebastian of the coast of Cannes where he had spent many a summer on the beach, working on his tan, sipping on a cocktail or swimming in the sea. He was in love with the sea and he liked it the best when Kurt's eyes reminded him of those warm summers.

Ever since that day in the Lima Bean where they had shared something close to them, the space between them waned and they found themselves enjoying each other's company more often than not.

Kurt tried staying away from his house as much as he could, quite to the disappointment of his father, but he always made up excuses of how he wanted to spend time with Mercedes and the girls before he went to New York. He never let slip that the real reason he didn't want to be at home was because he felt as if he couldn't breathe in his own house.

His father, Carole, Finn and Rachel, often occupied the house, making it literally exhausting to be around there, especially around the happy couples. Although it made Kurt happy to see his father finally have someone by his side that loved him and took care of him, his heart dropped every time he saw Burt and Carole's fingers discreetly brush against each other as though they were longing to hold hands, but stopped themselves because they weren't alone. Those loving gazes Carole sent Burt's way when she thought no one was looking, the way his father would save the last piece of rhubarb pie for Carole because it was her favourite or the way they would cuddle up together on the loveseat while watching TV in the evening. Although all of these things were sweet, it made Kurt sick to his stomach. It was a reminder of what he didn't have anymore, of what he had lost the moment Blaine had uttered those words.

It was even more infuriating to be around Finn and Rachel, with their wedding plans and future talk. He was reminded that Blaine and him used to talk about their future. About what kind of jobs they were going to have in New York (Kurt would perform on Broadway and Blaine was going to become a music teacher), what their tiny apartment would look like and how they would colour coordinate everything, how many kids they were going to have and what they were going to name them, what their wedding was going to be like and what kind of engagement ring Kurt wanted. They even discussed what kind of dog they wanted, even though Kurt told Blaine that he would rather have a cat than a dog. He just wasn't a dog person.

But seeing Rachel and Finn together now was just too painful. First he had been under the illusion that it had to be because he missed Blaine, but the truth was that it didn't hurt anymore when he thought about Blaine. Them breaking up was inevitable and they both knew it. However, it tugged on the corners of his heart, painfully throbbing when he thought about the life he wanted. A pair of arms to hold him close, someone to come home to, someone he could text when he was having a bad day and whom he would automatically get a reply that would cheer him up. He missed the security of having a boyfriend. He missed the things you take for granted when you have someone who loves you.

When he was with Sebastian he didn't feel as lonely as he did when he was at home. They both knew that there was nothing between them. No pretences, no lies – that was what they agreed upon and maybe it was the raw honesty that comforted Kurt. He wanted the security of a relationship, but he couldn't picture being in a relationship with Sebastian. Sebastian didn't do relationships. So there was no way he could get too deep into this with no way of getting out. There was comfort in knowing exactly what this was and when it would end.

So as long as Kurt had that, it wasn't a sin to smile giddily when he had his nose nuzzled against Sebastian's hair while he found out that the scent of Sebastian's shampoo was his favourite. It wasn't wrong to love the way the muscles in Sebastian's back twitched, and how freaking muscular and hot it looked when he stretched shirtless. It was completely fine to find himself staring at Sebastian's lips, just wanting to reach forward and kiss him. Most of the time, he did. He would knit his fingers into Sebastian's chestnut hair with a firm grip as he bought their lips closer. His lips would hover merely millimetres away from Sebastian's, and his head would swim when he felt Sebastian's hot breath on his. Then, as though hell had broken loose, he would crash their lips together, taking control of the kiss the times Sebastian let him, as used his lips as an asset to taste, feel and be near Sebastian's velvety soft mouth. Sometimes, he would whimper into the kiss when he thought about the way those lips felt around his cock. How Sebastian's face looked with his lips wrapped around his length, his cheeks hollowed and eyes determined. Just the thought of it made him horny.

That particular day Kurt insisted on going to Sebastian's house, even though Mr. and Mrs. Smythe would be there. It had been three days since he had seen Sebastian naked and that was just way too long. Sebastian was initially sceptical, but he begrudgingly agreed, mainly for the same reason that Kurt was pushing – he wanted to get laid just as badly. He had never taken a boy home before and he had no idea how his parents would react, but it would be worth it when he had Kurt naked and squirming by his side.

"They know you are gay, right?" Kurt asked as he was fixing his tie in the mirror of Sebastian's car. They had just gone to the store to get some ice cream because of Sebastian's resolute nagging.

"Of course. They've known since I was in preschool," Sebastian scoffed, as though the mere idea of him pretending to be straight for his parents was offensive.

"..And? Do they support you?" Kurt asked curiously. He had no idea what kind of people the Smythes were, and come to think of it, Sebastian never talked much about them.

"Of course they do. Well, maman is a little upset that she won't have grandchildren, but they accept me for who I am. There are no pretences in our house. Just be prepared that everyone in my family is brutally honest – for good and for worse," Sebastian made a grimace. He was already regretting this. Why couldn't they just have gotten a cheap motel to fuck in? Bringing someone home to meet his parents was against everything he believed in. No, he reminded himself. He wasn't bringing Kurt home to meet his parents, he was merely bringing Kurt home and his parents just happen to be there.

—

The Smythes weren't anything like Kurt expected them to be at all. When Blaine and him talked about Sebastian's family when they first met the rodent Warbler, they joked that Sebastian's parents had to be from another planet or extremely cruel and unloving to have fostered such a vicious and immoral son. Because that was all Sebastian was to him before, the old school villain who wanted to steal his boyfriend.

Tristan and Josephine Smythe were the direct opposite of cruel and vicious. Tristan was a horn-rimmed glassed clad man who was wearing a red and white checkered apron on top of his ironed white shirt the first time Kurt met him. He had a spatula in his hand and was talking animatedly to a beautiful woman with angular features who looked so much like Sebastian that it was breathtaking. Except the hair. Whilst the woman's hair was as black as the night, Sebastian had inherited his father's brown hair. He already knew that his father was a state attorney, but it was hard to picture this man that stood in front of him as strict and unyielding as what Kurt's mind told him a lawyer should be like.

The moment they stepped into the Smythes' household, the melodious voice of a woman was heard.

"Sebastian, honey?" Is that you?"

"No maman, it's the Queen of England," Sebastian replied with a sigh as his cheeks flushed a little.

Kurt noticed that he normally would have playfully prodded the boy in his ribs, but he was too stunned by the normality of the situation. Where was the evil stepmother or the homophobic dad?

He followed Sebastian to the kitchen. Mr. Smythe was in mid-conversation with his wife while stirring into a pot of red sauce that smelled heavenly. Mrs. Smythe was cutting up vegetables for a salad. They both stopped their conversation and turned around to greet the newcomers.

"Sebastian!", the woman chirped, her face breaking into a smile. "Is that the boy you have been spending all your time with lately?" she asked, her eyes dancing with something reminding of joy. Her waist length hair was in a single braid down her back and Kurt just couldn't stop staring at her. She looked so much alike her son that it was almost scary. Naturally Kurt took a step back, subtly hiding a little behind Sebastian. Out of sight, out of mind, or so he hoped.

Sebastian neither acknowledged nor dismissed his mother's statement, though the lack of denial seemed to be enough for the two adults in the room.

"Maman, papa, this is Kurt Hummel. Kurt these are my parents," Sebastian said in a rushed voice that indicated that he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

It was only then Kurt noticed the shuffling of Sebastian's feet, the awkward posture and the way his hands were firmly shoved in his pockets, as though he didn't know where else to place them. It was so strange for Kurt to see Sebastian so… insecure? Yes, insecure. If it wasn't for the fact that he didn't know where to put his sweaty palms, he would have been amused.

Suddenly he realised that maybe he was expected to say something, but before he could think of anything intelligent to say that wouldn't embarrass him in any way, Sebastian's dad spoke up. His voice was deep just like Sebastian's, and despite the kindness in his voice, it carried authority. Suddenly Kurt could see this guy in a courtroom, winning a debate.

"So you are our Sebby's boyfriend, then?" he asked with a smirk that could only be bested by Sebastian.

"He is not my boyfriend-"

"Uhm.. I really am not.."

"He's just.."

"I'm just a friend who happens to be a boy"

"I know, the fact that he is a boy is hard to believe, but he is not my girlfriend either."

At the last statement, Kurt turned his head to stare at Sebastian. No matter how many times he heard it, it didn't cease to hurt and either Sebastian didn't notice or he didn't care. The other boy just shrugged.

Apparently Mr. and Mrs. Smythe found their attempt to assure them of their single status humorous and Kurt turned a brilliant shade of red.

Finally he stepped forward as he discreetly took a deep breath.

"I'm Kurt Hummel, Sebastian's friend. It's nice of you to have me here in your home, Mr. and Mrs. Smythe."

"Oh look, Tristan, he is such a polite boy too!" the lady of the house cooed and Kurt noticed the slight accent she had that sounded a little French.

"And it is Tristan and Josephine to you, kiddo." Mr. Smythe straightened his glasses before reaching out a hand to Kurt that the younger male tentatively shook. Unsurprisingly, Mr. Smythe – Tristan – had a firm grip that exuded self-confidence, much alike his son, just without the cockiness. Where Sebastian learned that, Kurt would never know.

"Yes sir," Kurt found himself saying and he could hear Sebastian snicker behind him. He threw the other boy an evil glare that made him grin even broader.

"Right. Kurt and I are disappearing now," he said, almost dragging Kurt out of the kitchen.

"Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes, boys, and I expect Kurt to join us!" they heard Josephine call after them.

When they were in Sebastian's room with the door safely closed, keeping a mental distance between the boys and the adults, Kurt let out a relieved sigh.

"Don't look at me like that. You were the one who wanted to meet my crazy parents," Sebastian huffed.

They looked at each other for a moment before they both ended up laughing. Sebastian slumped down on his bed and it occurred to Kurt how easy it was to be around him. Sure, Sebastian made a few tactless jokes, but Kurt knew that he didn't mean it – not really.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched as Sebastian tilted his head in thought.

Sebastian wasn't the type to bring a person home to his parents, let alone a boy he frequently screwed. He stopped to remind himself that he didn't bring Kurt home to meet his parents. It was just inevitable that his parents were there. This wasn't a date and Kurt wasn't his boyfriend even though they had wandered over to the friends category recently.

"Half an hour.. That is plenty of time for a quicky," he smirked, watching Kurt's expression go from tensed to wary.

Rolling his eyes, Kurt said, "Seriously, Smythe? Your parent are downstairs."

"Yeah, but my room is pretty much soundproof," Sebastian argued.

"No," Kurt said firmly. "Your parents already think that we are dating and I'm not having dinner with them all sweaty and icky."

"I can lick the sweat off your body," Sebastian countered easily in a low voice as his grin grew.

"No!" Kurt huffed, but he couldn't stop the slight pinking of his cheeks.

"Kurt," Sebastian cooed, his fingertips trailing over Kurt's blush as he came closer. When did he move to sit so closely? Kurt felt his cheeks grow warmer beneath Sebastian's touch.

"Your parents are at home," Kurt reminded him, his voice breathy and barely distinguishable.

"Then you better be quiet," Sebastian grinned.

—

Whether it was the most awkward meal in existence or not, it was certainly interesting for Kurt, mainly because he, Mr. Smythe and Mrs. Smythe found some common ground. Said common ground being childhood stories of Sebastian.

Kurt honestly didn't think that family dinner with the Smythes could be so amusing, even though his thighs were sticky and he was sure that his cheeks were still faintly flushed after the quick escape in Sebastian's room. After the first few embarrassing stories, he was started to relax a little.

"There was this one time where Sebastian was nine and he was obsessed on making this Valentine's Day card. He drew, coloured and even put stickers on it. I think he spent.. what was it? Three days?" Josephine looked at her husband for confirmation and Tristan nodded, barely able to hold off laughing until the end of the story. "He spent three days on it and he was so proud of it. And then when we asked who he was going to give the card to, he said that he was going to give it to Mr. Martins, his English teacher."

Just as the words left Josephine's lips, Tristan howled in laughter and Kurt could see Sebastian sink further into his chair as he picked on his food. He wanted to reach out and pat the other boy's thigh in a comforting way, but the sadistic part of him was having too much fun.

"He was very straight and married, mind you," Tristan added.

"So, you always knew that Sebastian was gay?" Kurt asked conversationally, twirling spaghetti onto his fork before taking a bite.

Tristan and Josephine exchanged an amused look and nodded. "He has never shown any kind of interest in girls, and even though he has never been what people would call 'stereotypical gay," Josephine dropped her fork to make quotation marks in the air. "He liked to play sports and was interested in monster trucks, I guess we always had this feeling. Although he was young at that time, he never showed any interest in the female friends Gabrielle-," she stopped herself, as though she suddenly realised that Kurt probably didn't know who Sebastian's sister was and was remorseful for bringing it up under a dinner conversation.

The change was almost immediate. Tristan's hand flew to Josephine's back as he drew comforting patterns there. Sebastian just shrugged.

"He knows, maman."

In retrospect, he should have understood that the surprised looks on Sebastian's parents' face meant something, but at that time he didn't read too much into it.

Josephine straightened herself up and offered Kurt a smile, and he found himself being shocked at how genuine it was despite the situation.

"Anyways, when Gabrielle brought her female friends home, Sebastian never showed any interest. He never peeked into their room or hovered around them – nothing. But when there were male friends around, he was awestruck and all over the place."

Sebastian leaned closer to Kurt to whisper in his ear. "In later years I fucked a few of them," he revealed in a hushed tone without his parents' knowledge and Kurt stopped himself from glaring at the inappropriate boy.

And just like that the tension was gone. Kurt could understand in a way. The first few months after he lost his mother, it was painful to even mention her or see her name somewhere. The following years the pain subsided, but it was never gone. But the most distinctive difference was that he and his dad could talk about her and share fond memories without feeling the overwhelming wave of sorrow all the time. There still were times where Kurt would wake up from a good dream with his mother in it and feel hollow for the rest of the day, there were days were he felt it hang over him like a rain cloud and there were nights were cried himself to sleep because he missed his mother. But for most of the time it was just a numbing pain, slightly throbbing, but manageable.

And that was what Kurt was seeing in the Smythes. It was a family who tried to function and be as normal as possible despite the tragedy that struck them. Kurt quickly learned that Gabrielle wasn't a taboo issue in the household. She was never forgotten. But they talked about other things too, like how Tristan's co-worker spilled coffee all over his pants or how Josephine who worked as a pre-school teacher had lost a student on a field trip for a few hours.

At the end of dinner when they refused to let Kurt help them clean up and he made way back to Sebastian's room. It felt as though he had gained something. For so long, the only person in grief Kurt knew was his dad and they made things in their small family work. They had their own routines, their quirks and their habits. It was a push and pull relationship where they were both reliant on the other to make things work. But this was the first time Kurt got to be with a family who had suffered a loss too and see how things where in other families. In a way it wasn't too different. He couldn't explain why, but his heart felt lighter and his shoulders felt as though they were floating.

"They'll be gone in a few minutes," Sebastian broke Kurt's line of thoughts and for once, Kurt didn't mind the interruption or the obvious meaning behind Sebastian's words. He had a serene, yet giddy smile on his face as he pulled Sebastian closer when they got into his room. He kicked the door shut and placed his arms on either side of Sebastian's shoulders.

Sebastian was a little taller than him and it was different from being with Blaine, but it was a difference he welcomed with open arms. Closing the distance between them with a soft kiss, Kurt felt the weight of Sebastian's lips against his own, the warm, wet pressure that made his head spin. He let out a breathy sigh against Sebastian's lips and broke the kiss, but he didn't let him go quite yet.

It felt intimate in a whole new way and it occurred to Kurt how ironic it was that a kiss felt the most intimate even after all the sex they had been having. They heard wheels against the grovel outside and understood that they were now alone in the house. But instead of ripping each other's clothes in sheer desperation, they were locked in a comfortable embrace that neither wanted to admit that felt better than they had imagined.

Eventually they fell on the bed with Kurt against the headboard and Sebastian lying on top of him. It felt domestic in a way to cuddle like that, if it could be called cuddling. It was certainly a first for them to find themselves in that way without having sex first or when it wasn't their unconscious minds that entangled their limbs together when they were asleep.

"What do you want to do?" Kurt asked after a while, a little hesitant that Sebastian would come to his senses and pull away. But he should. He should pull away. There was no reason for them to cuddle, even though it felt inhumanly good and tugged on all the wrong corners of Kurt's heart.

A shadow of doubt crossed Sebastian's face and for a moment it looked as though he was torn between pulling away and just craving in by staying in Kurt's arms. He chose neither. "I want to live," he said, his voice as soft as a shy breathe.

"Pardon?" Kurt's confusion was mirrored in his face with his lips slightly apart and his eyebrows drawn. "I want to live," Sebastian repeated, this time with more force.

"I want to breathe, to feel my heart beating. I want to feel like I am living," he said a little breathlessly as he got caught up in his own words and the meaning behind them. It was as though a spark was lit in his eyes and he just couldn't let go of the feeling, not before he had received everything it had to offer.

"And how do you propose we do that?" Kurt asked, his confusion replaced with curiosity and fascination. Sebastian's mood was catching and Kurt felt an urge he hadn't felt before. An aching he didn't know he had; the need to breathe. To feel like a living, breathing thing that could yield anything in his position as long as he felt the need to do so. The hair on his arms was tingling with excitement and his stomach fluttered at the thought of doing something out of the ordinary.

Sebastian eyes darted over the room, sweeping it with his eyes as his eyes were lined in thought. "Let's go somewhere far, far away. Italy, France, Spain," he suggested, a laughter spilling from his lips as though he knew of the insanity behind his words. "Let's be impulsive, Kurt."

"We can't go to all these places, Bas. I don't even have a passport," Kurt laughed in return, shaking his head.

"So let's go someplace else, someplace they can't touch us."

Kurt didn't even have to ask who they were. He just understood. The world, the people they knew, the strangers on the street. Everyone else but them. It was a heat of the moment thing were nothing else mattered. He didn't care that he told his father that he would be home before midnight. He didn't care that he would have to start packing for New York soon, or the most important thing; that they wouldn't have this anymore in a few weeks.

"Let's go to the lake," Sebastian suggested and Kurt looked puzzled for a second. What did that have to do with breathing? "Have you ever gone skinny dipping?" Sebastian asked and he shook his head as though he though Sebastian had gone mad.

"Me neither. So what are you waiting for?" In the blink of an eye, Sebastian was out of bed and reaching a hand to Kurt, waiting for him to grasp it. It was a silent invitation – a dare.

Kurt hesitated for a second before the overwhelming need to do something impulsive hit him with full force and he took Sebastian's hand with a firm grip and hoisted himself up.

And that was how the two boys found themselves in the middle of the woods, by the edge of the lake. Sebastian flung his t-shirt to the ground and was wrestling with the stubborn button on his pants. It was slowly becoming dark, but it wasn't completely dark yet. The fading sun on the sky was giving off a soft light, reflecting on the lake with a faint glow behind the clouds. If anything, the light was a dark, gloomy grey.

Before Kurt knew it, Sebastian was in his boxers looking at him expectantly. When he looked down at himself, he saw that he had just undone the top button of his shirt. Suddenly it didn't feel like such a good idea. What if someone walked past and saw them? What if they took pictures of them and published them, ruining his performing career forever?

"What are you waiting for?" Sebastian asked, and Kurt was reminded of the fierce longing for breathing, for living they had held back in Sebastian's room and the need to be impulsive and do something stupid returned to him.

Without giving it a second thought, he stepped out of his clothes and turned around as Sebastian took off his boxers, all though he couldn't explain why he felt the need to give the other privacy. He had seen it all before.

This time it was Kurt who reached out a hand to Sebastian that the taller boy took with a warm smile. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Kurt let out a nervous chuckle. "Let's do this before I change my mind."

They sprinted towards the water, hand in hand, dived straight in. The water was lukewarm, but felt cool against his skin. It was refreshing and freeing at the same time and Kurt dived down head first, without thinking about the amount of hairspray in his hair or what the water would do to his skin. Sebastian was still there when he resurfaced and Kurt saw something he thought he would never see in Sebastian's face; the look of pure joy. No doubts, no sorrow, no snark – just plain, unadulterated happiness. It was easy to be intoxicated on less.

The minutes trickled past, but neither of them could tell the other how much time they had spent there. The sun was rapidly disappearing and when Kurt first thought about it, it was a lot darker than it was when they came, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

It was a silly thing really. They were in a mood where they allowed themselves to be wide-eyed and look at the world in a different way. It felt like being on drugs, only they were intoxicated on life – on each other. Kurt jumped on Sebastian's back without a warning, but the boy managed to catch him before he could fall, entangling his arms around Kurt's ankles as laughter filled the air. Kurt had never felt as liberated as he did that moment.

"Bas, it's getting cold," he pouted when he finally got down. Sebastian nodded in agreement and they got out of the water. They got clothed and Sebastian collapsed to the ground, his face facing the lake that now housed the reflection of the moon.

Kurt sat down beside him, despite that he worried about his designer jeans. "What are you thinking about?" he asked Sebastian. It sounded better than the typical 'Penny for your thoughts'.

Kurt noticed how the reflection of the moon danced in Sebastian's eyes, like it was meant to be there. "It would be cool to live in a submarine, right?" he asked rhetorically. Kurt snorted and shifted his gaze to look at the water himself.

"The fishes are probably good company," he replied with a serene smile on his face.

"Probably. They don't judge."

"That, they don't. But we don't have a submarine," Kurt pointed out.

"..Maybe we do. We can't live in it, but…" Sebastian trailed off, searching his jacket pocket for something. From his inner pocket, he fished out a box of condoms.

"Really, Bas? Condoms? You want to have sex out in the open?"

"Tempting, but no." Without offering an explanation, he took out a condom packet and tore open the wrapping. Kurt looked at him with amusement clear on the smile he was wearing as Sebastian rolled out the condom and placed the opening to his lips and blew.

It was almost like a balloon, only that the condom didn't get much bigger. Maybe a little, but it wasn't distinctive. As Sebastian tied a knot at the opening and showed Kurt, he could see that it did look like a submarine.

Feeling curious, Kurt opened another wrapping and tried it himself. The latex and lube tasted weird on his tongue, but he focused on blowing. Sebastian did the same until they were out of condoms and there were twelve mini submarines by their feet.

"Let's see if they can swim," Kurt suggested and they got to their feet.

It must have looked odd if someone was watching them. Two young boys, definitely not children but not quite adults yet, with their hands filled with condom balloons as they let go of them, one after one on the surface of the water. The little balloons drifted away on the water, not one of them sinking.

The boys looked at them float away with mesmerised stares until the shapes of the condoms were undistinguishable.

As they returned back to the car, Kurt had only one thought in his mind.

Best spent box of condoms ever.

AN: I don't know if it will happen, but I see a lot of people speculating in whether or not their fic will be deleted. So if that happens to me, I'll still be posting on livejournal and on tumblr. My tumblr is morethatonight and it's the same on livejournal.

Reviews are love! :)


	7. The Camera

**Thank you to all of you who have read this and who have motivated me. With this chapter, I have finally finished my first multi-chapter fic and my first Kurtbastian fic ever. I wish I could write something heartfelt, but I'll cry. I hope you like it. **

Chapter seven - The Camera

Sebastian's heart beat faster and faster, the thumping almost painful as it throbbed against his chest, trying to get free. His fingers wrapped around the edge of the polished surface of the table, his nails digging into the hard wood. He wondered how much this table could hold. It was already carrying the seven objects that felt closest to his heart. The objects that felt like a burden, like they weighed a thousand pounds. Maybe it could hold the rest of him too.

With his hands firmly placed on either side of the wooden desk, he leant his body weight on the table little by little, putting more pressure on it by lifting his body from the ground. He pushed and pushed, slowly hearing the table creak as he was on the tip of his toes and he just couldn't push anymore. He couldn't put any more pressure on it. He thought maybe it would make him feel less heavy, that somehow it would lift the burden off his shoulders. Somehow he thought that he could unload everything he had and just place it on the table, on something unanimated. So why wasn't the aching going away? Why did it feel as though someone had encased his chest in heavy lead, pulling it towards the ground with the emphasized force of gravity?

There was one object left on the table that he hadn't touched yet. He saved the worst for the last. It would hurt less that way, he told himself. But he was at the end of the story and there was nothing left between him and the camera. No more excuses. The drumming of his heart was deafeningly loud. He could hear it inside his ear, in the back of his mind, in the front of his conscience. It was getting louder by the second and his mind was screaming to him to get away. To leave the objects and to save what was left of his tattered heart. But every story needs an ending, and he had to relieve the ending of what would be the chapter of Kurt Hummel in the Life of Sebastian Smythe.

The camera. There was a slight tremble in his fingers, his fingers that usually were self-confident and steadfast. He expected the camera to scorch his skin, but it didn't. Instead, the black plastic felt cool against his shaky fingertips.

It was a normal camera, the type that everyone had seen before. A single-lens reflex camera from Canon in black with a large lens in the middle. The all-seeing eye. The beautiful thing about cameras was that they never lied unless the person in control of it tampers with the settings. They captured the moment in the truest possible light, whether it was unflattering or the reincarnation of beauty.

The last days Sebastian had with Kurt, he remembered the camera and decided to take photos. It was something he did for fun and mostly it was to tease Kurt whom was a lot more self-conscious than he should be. He brought the camera with him wherever they went, either around his neck like a Japanese tourist or in his messenger bag.

Sebastian's eyes skimmed through the other objects. The bottle top, the jacket pin, the lemon balm leaves, the box of sleeping pills, the phone, the condoms and finally the camera. He picked the latter object up gingerly and weighed it in his hands. The camera itself didn't weight that much, but it were the pictures inside that felt heavy.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling the mattress sink a little. The springs groaned almost inaudibly when he slumped back, his head hitting the sheets. Flicking the power switch on, he took a deep breath as he waited for the first picture to appear.

—

The first one was from the one time they were at the beach.

Waves crashed in the background with the familiar sound of water hitting the soft sand before retreating back into the sea. Again and again. The repetitive echo was something everyone took for granted. It was just there, convenient and assuring. Sebastian's focus was someplace more interesting. His eyes raked over Kurt's frame as he sat cross-legged on the sand. His shoes were off and the sand was tickling his bare feet. It almost felt like he was a child again.

Kurt kicked off his shoes and socks and ran towards the water. Somewhere along the way, he discarded his shirt and jeans as well. Sebastian couldn't help but compare him to the boy he first met at the Lima Bean, a time and place that felt forever ago.

This Kurt, his Kurt, as Sebastian referred to him in his mind lived in another universe than the one he knew before. The Kurt before, Blaine's Kurt, as Sebastian called him would never have been so careless – or carefree. He would never have thrown his clothes on the sand and ran towards the water in only his forest green boxers.

It was the happiest Sebastian had ever seen him. He took out the camera and snapped a picture.

The small screen showed a boy who was running towards the water, unaware that a still frame of him was being saved on a camera for years to come. Sebastian smiled at the picture. He wasn't an expert photographer or anything, but he had a feeling that any snapshot of Kurt would come out as breathtakingly beautiful. Some people just had that ability – he knew that he himself was one of them – and Kurt was no exception.

He raised the camera to eye-length and took another shot. This time Kurt was waist-length in the water, his wet shoulders gleaming in the sunlight as his hair clung to his forehead, dripping water. He looked happy, so unlike the boy he met in the bar the night Kurt re-entered his life. From what Kurt could see, the dark shadow that resided on his shoulders had vanished, there was no longer frightening pain in his eyes and there was once again life in his words. Huh. Maybe his influence had actually been good on Kurt.

"Bas," Kurt called to him and Sebastian fought the urge to smile at the nickname Kurt had grown so fond of using.

"The water is really warm. You should come and see for yourself," he tempted with a hesitant smile and Sebastian didn't have to be told twice. He stored the camera away in his bag and stripped to his boxers before following Kurt in the water.

—

The second photo makes Sebastian's heart ache. Not for him, but for Kurt. Sebastian has never been in a relationship before, so he had no idea what it felt like to have someone break up with you, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling the phantom pains in heart. It was as though someone had clenched his heart and squeezed it painfully.

The photo showed a boy in a half-dark room, only illuminated by a single lamp on the wall. The boy was leaned away from the camera with his back towards the photographer. The picture captured the shirtless boy from waist and up, his chestnut brown hair was tousled and bore evidence of sex.

The lack of lighting gave the photo a gritty look, but he could clearly decipher that Kurt was talking on the phone with his shoulders hunched. He could barely see the side of Kurt's face, but something resembling a tear glistened on his cheek. If he didn't know that it would be there, he wouldn't have seen it.

He didn't know what possessed him to take a picture in a moment like that. Maybe it was the utter helplessness he felt that moment that urged him to do something. Maybe it was how Kurt looked, like a fallen angel, that made him want to keep that image in his mind forever. No matter what the reason was, the picture he took brought back a wave of memories.

They were lying on Sebastian's bed as they rarely were at Kurt's place. Sebastian was there once, the only time the house was empty, but Sebastian's house was just more convenient for both of them.

Kurt was panting hard against Sebastian's chest and he could feel the other boy's heart pounding, as they lay pressed against each other on the bed. Their skin was shiny with sweat and Sebastian was trying to keep his breathing under control. A drop of sweat trickled down his forehead and onto the pillow. The bed was hot and he felt the need to roll over to the cool floor, but it was so comfortable to lay there with Kurt's back again his chest and his arm around his pale waist. The covers were kicked to the side, so Sebastian could see all of Kurt's body. He often got the chance to see Kurt naked, but those times he was usually quite distracted.

He had often noticed how beautiful Kurt was, but never like this. He used to think that Kurt was attractive and good-looking enough, but now it was as though other boys turned to ash when compared to the reincarnation of Adonis in front of him. The realisation puzzled him, and Sebastian assumed that everything would be soon to normal once he got to New York and meet other guys. There were probably guys there who were hotter and sexier than both him and Kurt put together, and he couldn't wait to start a new life there.

Or could he?

Would it really be that bad, to have this for a little while longer, he found himself thinking as his hand lifted to brush away a loose strand of hair from Kurt's forehead.

Kurt made a soft appreciative noise and Sebastian couldn't help but smile, his lips curving up in approval. Kurt's eyes were shut close and he could have been asleep if it wasn't for the chest that heaved and sunk rapidly. They were still catching their breath after the last round, but they allowed themselves to bask in the afterglow of their orgasms. It was quiet, serene and relaxing, and Sebastian's eyes slowly slipped close in a blissful daze.

Suddenly a ring tone started to play. _It was a bad quality phone recording, but the song was unmistakeable. It's not unusual to be loved by anyone. It's not unusual to have fun with anyone. But when I see you hanging about with anyone, it's not unusual to see me cry. Oh, I wanna die._ Blaine's voice rang through the room and before Sebastian's could react, Kurt slapped his arm away and jumped out of bed.

Kurt wasn't wearing anything, but the boy didn't seem to care. Another difference from the boy Sebastian met at the bar, he noticed silently.

"Shit, it's Blaine," Kurt said to no one in particular as he fished the phone out of his pants pocket. It was evident that he didn't know what to do. He just held the phone in his hand and stared at the screen where his ex-boyfriend's name was. "I knew I should have changed his ring tone, but.. I didn't think he would call.. Oh god, I should have deleted his number completely," he rambled on as the ring tone continued to play as Blaine's voice echoed between the walls. _It's not unusual to go out at any time. But when I see you out and about, it's such a crime. If you should ever wanna be loved by anyone. It's not usual – it happens everyday, no matter what you say. You find it happens all the time. Love will never- _The ring tone got cut off as the phone stopped ringing.

Kurt looked relieved as he held the phone firmly in his hand. He was just about to put it away when it started ringing again, with the same song. Kurt groaned in frustration while Sebastian smirked amusedly. "Do you want me to get it for you?" he asked and Kurt shot him a look that was somewhere between disapproval and murderous rage. "No," he snapped, taking a deep breath before he answered the phone.

Kurt's voice was shaky and uneven, but somehow he managed to press out the words.

"H-Hey, it's Kurt"

Sebastian couldn't hear Blaine on the other line, but it was easy to guess what was being said.

"I'm.. Fine, I guess. How are you?", Kurt asked and he detected the voice as Kurt's polite voice.

"That's.. good. I'm glad you hear that, Blaine. What? Oh.. I'm at Westerville," he answered, biting down his lip. Kurt's brows knitted together, upset over something.

"I'm at.. a friend's place. Why are you asking?"

Seeing Kurt like this when he was not talking to him, but someone else made Sebastian observe more. He could only hear one side of the conversation, so he found himself noticing Kurt's reactions more to understand the conversation better.

"What is it to you who I am with?" Kurt suddenly snapped with a force and fierceness he didn't have before.

"I'm with Sebastian. Happy?"

"What? Blaine.. What are you saying? Do you.."

Sebastian frowned and tried to understand, but it felt as though he was missing something. Kurt was turned away from him, but he could still see his facial expressions and Kurt looked just as confused as he did.

"Coffee, I see. Why?" his tone was hard again and Kurt was squinting.

"You want to… Blaine.. What? Why? Why now?"

Kurt fell silent for a while and it seemed as though Blaine was holding a long monologue. The seconds ticked away and the silence was becoming unnerving, so Sebastian reached for the camera on his nightstand. He looked through the camera and deleted a few photos when Kurt spoke again.

"You.. want to get back together?" His voice was soft and fragile, as though it might break any moment. Sebastian wanted to reach forward and comfort it, offer it honey and nurse it back to strength.

Slowly Kurt's words started to make sense to him. Blaine wanted him back. An unexplainable dread filled his mind and he found his fist clenching by itself. His mind was growling silently, telling him how Blaine doesn't deserve a new chance with Kurt. No, it was all wrong. Kurt couldn't take him back. Kurt wouldn't. Would he?

Sebastian's gaze hardened as he saw a single tear make its way down Kurt's cheek and his eyelashes glistened with unshed tears. "Don't do this to me.." he heard Kurt's broken voice say.

The image in front of Sebastian was so breathtakingly beautiful but yet heartbreaking. Kurt's face scrunched slightly and he noticed to lines appear on each side of the tiny nose. There were frown lines on his forehead, giving the image depth and emotion. Sebastian couldn't help himself. He raised the camera up and snapped a photo.

It all happened silently and when Kurt turned to look at him with eyes gleaming from the heartbreak he was feeling, the camera was gone. No one will ever know about that photo in Sebastian's camera.

Kurt noticed Sebastian watching and turned his back to him completely. Sebastian couldn't see his face anymore, but he heard a broken noise from the back of Kurt's throat. His heart twang at the sound and it felt as though someone was squeezing his chest painfully. If he could just reach forward and hold the other boy. But he had a feeling that Kurt wouldn't want him to interfere.

"Blaine. I'm going to New York and you are staying in Lima. It's like you said.. It won't work," Kurt said with a newfound resolution in his voice and Sebastian's stomach fluttered in happiness. He wasn't taking Blaine back.

"Bye, Blaine" Kurt sighed and abruptly ended the call. For a few seconds neither of them reacted. The silence was like a rubber band, stretching and stretching and they were both waiting for it to snap. Unsurprisingly, Kurt was the first one to break.

He tried to stifle the sob with the back of his palm, but Sebastian heard it all the same. Kurt's shoulders were hunched, his back was loaded with pressure and his head hung down as tears streamed down his face. Sebastian had seen a lot of people cry before, but seldom did it affect him this much. The only other time he had felt like this was when his mother cried. It was an uncomfortable feeling that he couldn't quite place. He wasn't sad himself, but he was sad for Kurt. In other words, he was sad because Kurt was sad? It didn't make much sense to him, but when did feelings ever make sense?

"Hey.. Are you okay?" Sebastian asked, clearing his voice so that it would be void of any embarrassing emotion, but it ended up sounding scruffy and coarse, as though he was trying to talk in a deeper voice.

Kurt looked up, his eyes red-rimmed and glinting in the light from moisture. For a second it seemed as though he had forgotten that Sebastian was there. Everything that mattered was his phone call with Blaine.

"I'm fine.." he muttered, furiously wiping his tears away with the hem of his sleeve.

"You are obviously not fine," Sebastian sighed warily and got up. He went over to Kurt and stood in front of him, his height even more prominent as he stood in front of a sitting Kurt.

"I am!" Kurt argued, thought without conviction.

"Kurt.."

"Seb, I don't want to talk about it," he snapped, crossing his arms.

Sebastian looked at the boy for a few seconds, determining whether he should push it further or not, before his stern posture slackened and he sat down beside the pale boy.

"Blaine's a dick, 'kay?" Sebastian tried.

"No, he is not."

"To me he is."

"To me he is and always will be my first love. Whom I just burnt all bridges to right now," Kurt's voice wavered as a fresh wave of tears tried to break free.

"Kurt.. He broke up with you," Sebastian tried to reason.

"It doesn't matter," Kurt furiously wiped away his tears again.

"Nothing matters. Blaine is gone and soon I will be gone from this stupid town and in a few years nothing of this will even matter," Kurt said with a newfound fervour.

Sebastian didn't know why, but Kurt's words stung him physically. He recoiled mentally as though he was on the receiving end of a slap. Kurt didn't really care about him. All he cared about was getting to New York and forgetting Lima, and that included him. He had to remind himself that it was good. When he went to New York, he didn't want gay-face Hummel weighing him down either.

"Whatever, Hummel. Just don't go crying on me like a little girl," Sebastian snapped.

Kurt's face fell.

"I'm not crying"

"Mhm, and those droplet of water that were conveniently placed on your cheeks were just raindrops that managed to jump through the closed window," Sebastian rolled his eyes. This was getting sillier by the second, but the worst thing was the aching in his chest. Maybe there was something wrong with him. Cancer or something. That had to be it.

"It's none of your business," Kurt snarled back. On the plus side it looked as though he wasn't sad more. The sadness in his eyes was replaced with irritation.

Sebastian shrugged. "You are right. It is not my business. It's not like I care."

Kurt stared pointedly at him and Sebastian felt the hair on his arms start to prickle. It was as though Kurt could see right though him, see his lies and the mask he was wearing. How fast did cancer usually spread? He had to have one of those fast-spreading types that left him dead within days.

"But you do care, don't you?" Kurt's lips curled up almost sardonically, sending shivers down Sebastian's back.

Suddenly Kurt seemed taller than he was, partially because he got to his feet. Sebastian looked at him through guarded eyes.

"Strip," Kurt's one-word command echoed in the walls and for a few seconds, Sebastian just stared, not really believing his own ears. "What?"

"You heard me. Strip. I want to fuck you," Kurt said, his voice softening a little as he cupped Sebastian's cheek gently. How the hell did Kurt go from crying to.. this? Not that he was complaining. He preferred this to the awkwardness anytime.

"Please, Seb? I think I need this."

Kurt had never asked to top before, so Sebastian automatically assumed that he was a bottom who didn't like to switch. Kurt's hand felt warm against his cheek and he couldn't do anything but nod, his anger and confusion pushed aside to the back of his mind as he let lust consume him. Lust and longing was never far away when Kurt was present.

Kurt's hand slid down his collar, dipping into the loose shirt he was wearing. Sebastian watched as the pale hand slipped beneath the soft fabric. Kurt's fingers were cold, but he didn't want him to stop. The shorter boy seemed hesitant and less than self-confident, so Sebastian confidently placed both hands on either side of Kurt's hips, pulling him closer so that Kurt fell on his lap. Despite the fact that Sebastian hand's where more confident and unwavering, he tried to give Kurt the option of control. Apparently, that was what he needed.

Sebastian told himself that he was happy as long as he got sex out of this, but it had been a long time since he bottomed. He pegged Kurt to being the bottom in his relationship with Blaine too, so he dearly hoped that the other knew what he was doing. If he was being honest with himself, he would admit that he was a little nervous of giving up physical control, but Sebastian would never admit something like that.

So instead, he stroke his warm palms up Kurt's sides, his fingers toying with the cotton shirt that Kurt was wearing. He slowly rubbed his thumbs in circles as he inched his way up. The material heated up uncomfortably between his fingers and Kurt's skin, so he impatiently flung it over Kurt's head in a swift, jerky motion, eliciting a startled gasp from Kurt.

But Sebastian was still in control and Kurt knew it. He could see it in Sebastian's eyes how hard it was for him to give up his control like this. But Kurt wanted this. He wanted a chance to prove to himself that he was worthy of steering his own life. He wanted to show himself that he was man enough to call his own shots. And maybe it was childish, maybe it didn't make sense, but he also knew that Sebastian wouldn't question him.

"Seb.. Let me," Kurt intervened, when Sebastian proceeded to try to take off his pants as well. Kurt swatted away his hands and unbuttoned Sebastian's shirt with such care that its owner had never shown before. Gently, he slid it off his shoulders and let it fall on the bed. He repositioned himself so that he was straddling Sebastian's lap more comfortably before pushing the other back onto the bed. Sebastian landed with a thud and smirked back to Kurt whom just rolled his eyes.

Kurt was always so gentle and his movements were fluid, like the calm ripples in a lake. Sebastian, on the other hand, was passionate and hasty. Now was no exception. He tried to pull Kurt closer, take control of the situation and have it the way he wanted, but Kurt wasn't going to let that happen. "Patience," Kurt hissed close to Sebastian's ear, his lips brushing against his earlobe sending sparks down Sebastian's spine. Luckily for him, Sebastian was already lying down.

Kurt crawled down his lap so that he was on his knees beside him. He was gaining confidence by the minute, fuelled by Sebastian's impatient whining. He wanted to make him pant for him, writhe in need for him– in short he wanted to reduce Sebastian into a mess before he fucked him into the mattress. Just the thought of it was empowering and Kurt felt his chest puff up in glowing pride.

Sebastian tried to reach up to Kurt again, his fingers brushing over Kurt's growing erection. Kurt jerked and slapped his hand away. "Behave, or I might have to tie you up," he said, his cheeks flushing from the bravery behind the words as he wrapped his fingers around Sebastian's wrists and pulled them over his head.

Sebastian's jaw dropped at the sight of this new Kurt that had apparently been hiding under all those bothersome layers. "Kurt.. Fuck, that's hot.." he muttered. He was torn between the straining erection in his pants that found this Kurt breathtakingly hot and between his mind that was struggling for control. Right now his nether parts was winning. He wasn't the type to deny himself pleasure and he wasn't going to start anytime soon, especially not when Kurt was acting as self-confident and hot as he was.

Sebastian's breath became hotter and shorter and as he felt Kurt's tongue dart out to lick the skin right below his ear, on his neck where the skin was the most sensitive. "Kurt.." he whispered breathless, the sound sending heat to Kurt's groin.

"Let me make you feel good," Kurt whispered back, biting back the words he wanted to continue with. _Let me prove to you that I can do it._

Sebastian didn't say anything to that and neither did he fight against Kurt's hands that were holding his hands in place above his head, locking them in place. Kurt's warm lips wandered downwards, down his neck, his chest and his abs. His tongue darted out to trace the darker outline around Sebastian's nipples, earning him a moan from Sebastian as the other bucked his hips up involuntarily. "Fuck Kurt.." Sebastian's skin was getting hotter and hotter by the moment and his cock was straining again his jeans.

Kurt dragged his tongue roughly against Sebastian nipples, feeling them harder from the attention. "Jesus Christ, just fuck me already," Sebastian said with gritted teeth, trying to keep from whimpering.

Finally it seemed as though Kurt took pity on his and unbuttoned his jeans. A wave of cool air hit Sebastian's erection. Trembling slightly as all his senses were heightened, he helped Kurt to remove the rest of their clothes until they were pressed together, skin against naked skin and nothing else between them.

"Lube and condoms in the dra-" Sebastian was cut off by an odd look from Kurt.

"I know," the boy said, as though it should be obvious. How many times had they done this over the last weeks? Neither of them bothered to keep count.

Before he knew it, Kurt's fingers were wet from lube and a finger was pushing against his entrance. Sebastian's first reaction was to clench tightly and jerk his hips away from the intrusion, but the lost look on Kurt's face made him change his mind. Taking a deep breath, he tried to relax and keep still as Kurt's finger slowly went inside him. "Is this okay?" he heard Kurt's nervous voice.

It stung a bit, but it wasn't downright uncomfortable, so he simply nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. You can add another," he said, and Kurt complied immediately.

This time he stung and Sebastian hissed involuntarily, causing Kurt to worry his lip idly between his teeth. "Sebastian.. We don't have to.."

"I can take it, go on," Sebastian said convincingly. A little hesitantly, Kurt added a third finger and stretched him. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be and Kurt was gentle with him. Finally, his muscles loosened a little as he started to trust Kurt and the stinging was replaced with the pleasant feeling of being filled.

"Fuck!" Sebastian's hips bucked upwards at the unexpected sensation that washed over him. When he looked up at Kurt, his lips parted and in awe, he was wearing a knowing smirk.

"Found it," Kurt murmured under his breath and continued to wriggle his fingers against that spot as he pumped his fingers in and out of Sebastian. Soon Sebastian forgot the uneasiness of bottoming and was reduced to moaning softly for every time Kurt's fingers brushed against his prostate. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling, not caring that he was moaning, whimpering and writhing softly as Kurt brought him closer to pleasure.

The warm feeling inside of him was building rapidly. "Almost there.." he murmured, regretting it immediately as Kurt stopped abruptly. He sent the other boy a glare, but Kurt just smiled back weakly. "I want you," he explained, reaching down to kiss Sebastian on the lips. A condom was already rolled on and Kurt slicked his cock with lube before slowly pushing into Sebastian.

As Kurt's erection breached the ring of muscles, Sebastian let out a groan. Fuck, that hurt more than he was willing to admit. Kurt stilled inside of him. "It'll be better, I promise," he said sympathetically and waited for Sebastian to give the signal before he continued to slowly work his way in until he was fully buried inside of Sebastian's tight heat.

Kurt had topped with Blaine a few times, but Blaine never liked it much so they didn't do it often. Besides Kurt had a general liking to bottoming, so it never was an issue, but now looking down at Sebastian's debauched face with his hair all over the place, Sebastian's lips red from kissing and biting, his cheeks with a soft red glow from excitement – he wondered why hadn't done this before. For a moment, he was lost in Sebastian's green eyes, as though he could see something important there, something soul-revealing, but he was pulled away from the moment by Sebastian's impatient voice.

"Just move already, goddammit! I swear, Hummel, if you don't fuck me this instant.."

What Sebastian would do to him, Kurt never found out, because that second he pulled out and slammed back in, emitting a low moan from how good Sebastian felt around him. Sebastian was slammed back on the mattress, his fingers curling around the thin material of his bedsheets as he tugged on them. "Fuck.." he whimpered as Kurt thrust into him – again and again – each thrust as merciless as the last.

"Kurt.. Oh god.. Kurt.." Sebastian moaned, his voice loaded with desperation as one of his hands went to Kurt's back, scratching him slowly. His hips were moving in synch with Kurt's and he was dangerously close to the edge. His vision swam, only making out specks of beautiful blue in his blurry and hazy mind that could only decipher the pleasure. Kurt was pounding into him relentlessly, and the sounds he was making were positively sinful. "SebSebSebSeb," he chanted for every thrust and before Sebastian could even warn him or realise what was going on, he came with a loud moan. He shut his eyes and panted, trying to understand what the fuck really happened and how he managed to come so fast, but Kurt followed right after, tumbling on top of him.

"That was amazing.." Kurt whispered, kissing Sebastian's chest softly.

Sebastian hummed in agreement. "It was. Now, can you remove your dick from my ass..?"

Right, he had never really been the one for pillow talk.

—

Within just a few weeks, Sebastian's life had turned around completely. It was the end of the summer and Kurt was leaving for New York in a two days. He was heading there a week before Sebastian to fix practical things with Rachel, while Sebastian was just planning on winging it once he got there. His wardrobe didn't take three days to unpack either.

It was the last night they had together and they both knew it. It hung over them like a wet woollen blanket, crushing on them with a smothering weight. Sebastian couldn't explain the knot in his stomach or the unpleasant lump in his throat. Maybe he should go see the doctor about the cancer, or whatever it was. It was apparently getting out of hand.

They were in Sebastian's bed with their arms around each other. They were just in each other's arms, listening to the soft thumping of their heartbeats. Sebastian was struggling with his treacherous thoughts. He was counting the hours he had left with Kurt. Hours that would eventually become minutes and then seconds. He would follow Kurt to the door. Maybe kiss him goodbye and then watch him walk away from his life. So before that could happen, he took a picture of Kurt who was naked underneath the blankets with the camera on his bedside table.

In the past hour, something had changed between them. They had sex, but it wasn't just sex. If he could dare to say it out loud… they made love. Sebastian couldn't pretend anymore. He didn't have terminal cancer and he wasn't going to die, he knew that very well. He was in love with Kurt Hummel, and if he suddenly dropped dead, that would be the reason.

It was the first time he had ever made love to a person and he didn't know if Kurt noticed the difference – beautiful Kurt who was used to being loved and in love – but he certainly did notice. He had never experienced anything as fulfilling, heart-warming and yet so excruciating before. He briefly remembered the way electricity shot through his heart, how his toes curled as though they were being pulled by a gravitational force. He could clearly remember Kurt's sweat slicked body in perfect synchrony with his own, how they fitted together like they were meant to be. He thought he felt Kurt's fingers slip in between his own as his face scrunched up in pleasure. But maybe it was just a figment of his imagination. Maybe he just saw what he wanted to see and everything was a lie. But he knew one thing; his heart drummed faster when he was beside Kurt, his palms got sweaty from nervousness when he thought about him, his stomach did weird somersaults that he was certain was hazardous for his health.

That was it.

He was doomed.

He was in love with Kurt Hummel.

And maybe Kurt loved him too. Why else would he be there, comfortably lounging in his bed after sex? Why would he spend the entire summer by his side if there wasn't something more? So maybe this was it. Maybe this was the moment he had been trying to hold off his entire life. Maybe he was getting a boyfriend. It would be perfect, really. They would move to New York and explore the big city together, spend weekends together in each other's arms and eat take-out while trying to understand their lecture notes and textbooks. Sebastian would be envious because Kurt's writing was so much neater than his own ugly scrawl that he barely managed to read himself, and Kurt would laugh at him.

Sebastian would sit on the countertop and play guitar while Kurt cooked for them, because it was better for everybody if Sebastian stayed away from the stove. Kurt would miss his family and curl up in Sebastian's arms while Sebastian would kiss his forehead and tell awkward jokes about grapes to cheer him up. _What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe! Breathe! _Sometimes Sebastian would miss his sister and think about everything his sister would never get to experience and they would just cuddle up together on the small couch and not say anything – just listening to their heartbeats and breathes, reminding themselves that they were alive and they would live on for everyone who couldn't.

And the end of the day, Sebastian's nightmares would be gone because Kurt would be there, hugging him tightly as they slept, constantly reminding him that he was loved.

So maybe that was what prompted him to say what he did next.

"Live with me in New York."

So maybe it wasn't the most elegant move and not the subtlest either. Maybe he should have told Kurt how nice his eyes were, or that he really liked his smile. Maybe even told him that he wanted to be his boyfriend, or in fact just anything else.

He could feel Kurt tense up in his arms and wanted to kick himself in the ass.

"Live.. with me.." Sebastian said lamely. "In New York.."

When Kurt didn't say anything, Sebastian swallowed thickly. They told each other that there would be no pretences, no lies. So here went nothing.

"I love you," he admitted, his voice as soft as the setting sun outside. "I think I have for a while now. Maybe weeks, I don't know."

It looked like Kurt was going to turn in his arms so that he could look at Sebastian, but suddenly he was sitting up, his back facing Sebastian's appalled face.

"I have to go," Kurt's voice said, his voice hard and cold.

"But I just-"

"I'm sorry."

And with that, Kurt got dressed in a hurry and ran out of his room. Sebastian could only stare like a shock-damaged person who was unable to move or say anything of importance. So this was what goodbye felt like. They told each other that there would be no pretences, no lies. But they also promised that at the end of the summer, they would be strangers to each other. It just looked as though his summer was cut short by a few hours.

He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there on his bed, staring at the ceiling with a dazed expression. Probably for way too long. He felt like a shadow of himself, a bad copy, a zombie. The suddenly, something happened. It started in the form of a single tear down his cheek and he quickly blinked it away, glad that he was alone. Breathing out slowly, he realised how painful it was to breath. It was as though someone had punched a hole in his windpipe and it was physically painful.

It was surrealistic how it only took two seconds to kill the hope he didn't even know that he had, the hope that he had been slowly building for weeks, brick by heavy brick until he almost had a house. But apparently even brick walls can be destroyed by a wave of water and Kurt's icy, piercing gaze.

His heart ached, throbbing painfully against his chest as though it had been stabbed, torn to pieces, jumped on and then stapled back on. Slowly, he crawled towards the top of bed and laid his head on his pillow. It still smelled like Kurt. And that was when he felt something inside of him break. Forcing his head into the pillow to muffle the sound, he screamed out the pain he felt, drenching it with his tears.

After a while, it could have been minutes or hours, the sun outside had gone down long ago. The house was quiet, not a footstep was to be heard. He dragged himself out of bed and took out the items from the drawer where he had kept them safe.

A camera. A jacket pin. A phone. Lemon balm leaves. A bottle cap. A box of condoms. A bottle of sleeping pills.

That was how Sebastian found himself on his bed, sitting on the very edge so that he had to cling on to the bedspread to not fall off. There were seven items on the table in front of him. Papers, books, CDs – all previous residents of the mahogany tabletop – were strewn on the floor in a careless chaos. Seven items were allowed on the dark, polished surface.

A camera. A jacket pin. A phone. Lemon balm leaves. A bottle cap. A box of condoms. A bottle of sleeping pills.

Seven items that he had managed to find that reminded him of the summer. The window was open and a cool breeze crept in, reminding him that the summer was coming to an end. The two days left were insignificant for him, for his summer was already over. The water had already washed away the fire. But he was preceding himself. Maybe it was best to start with the beginning.

With a sigh, he got off the bed and walked the three steps needed to get to the table. His hands were firmly placed on each side of the table. His warm palms were a contrast to the cool, smooth surface. He looked down at the items that he had carefully placed in a straight line. A camera, a jacket pin, a phone, a few lemon balm leaves on a stem, a bottle cap, a box of condoms and a bottle of sleeping pills. Objects that didn't have much value unless you knew the story behind them. He started at the beginning and now he was at the story's end. There was nothing more to be told.

Only when the sun had started rising did he fall asleep on top of his covers, his hand holding on to the camera where it was frozen on a picture of a smiling Kurt.

He was awoken hours later by a knocking on the door. Groaning as the sunlight hit his sensitive eyes, he rolled underneath the covers and stayed there.

"Sebastian, honey!" he heard his mother's voice call from the other side of the door.

Sebastian made a disgruntled sound that was muffled by the blankets. "Go away.."

"Bastian, mon cheri, Kurt is here to see you."

Now, that got his attention. He must have misheard her. But he was wide awake now, every trace of sleep gone. Maybe Kurt forgot his phone here. That would be sufficiently awkward. Nevertheless, he jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of pyjama pants and a faded t-shirt. Tugging his hair to the side so that it wouldn't be all over the place, he opened the door to find his mother walking away and Kurt standing there with tears in his eyes.

His stomach twisted at the thought of Kurt crying and instinctively, he reached forward to wipe away the tears there. "Kurt..?" he asked, not even hiding the confusion in his voice.

Kurt looked up at him with his glazed eyes and offered a weak smile.

"Can't you see, you idiot? I love you too."

His entire life, Sebastian had categorised his life in chapters, adding a new chapter for every new thing that happened. Paris was a chapter, Ohio was a chapter, New York was a chapter to be writing, but when he held Kurt in his arms, when his lips touched Kurt's, he couldn't help but think that maybe what he had with Kurt could be a whole book.

**AN: This is it, guys. This is the end. Thank you for the beautiful journey.**  
**Reviews are love :)**


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